how to be a brave person

The other day, I was having a serious day of self-doubt. I was stuck in my head, feeling like I wasn’t connecting with people, wasn’t actually doing anything I loved, that the sidenotes I was following weren’t panning out, and generally feeling overwhelmed about everything. I imagine it was partly due to being tired, partly due to caffeine, and partly due to just having a bad day.

Regardless, at one point I remembered this quote, “There is no love, only acts of love.” Love, of course, is a whole different topic, but the point still applies. The quote reminded me that there is no such thing as a brave person, only brave acts. It’s hard to push through failure by putting yourself in a position for more failure, but that reminder gave me the motivation to get out my head and try to fight through.

I figured the best way to get out of your head is just to take action, so I went to a yoga class at the gym. I’ve always been intrigued with the idea of yoga, especially for its intersection between physical exercise, mental well-being, and spiritual growth, but I always felt like it didn’t really fit my schedule, wasn’t the right time, or whatever. I ended up really enjoying the class and having a conversation with the instructor about how yoga starts by opening up your hips and legs, but it leads to an opening of your mind and soul. Cheesy new age spiritualism? Maybe, but I left slightly more convinced that this was a sidenote that I wanted to pursue further.

It’s hard to build up the courage to push through loads of self-doubt, it’s much easier for me to just give myself a break, go home, do nothing, and feel sorry for myself. It’s easy for me to make excuses like, maybe I’m not cut out for an uncomfortable life of change, I should leave that to the bold people. The bottom line is, though, there is no such thing as a bold person, some people just keep moving through the fear and do cool things.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Goals - good, bad, or greyscale?

I used to think that goals were everything, and that everything you do should be oriented around how to achieve certain goals in your life. I read a book called Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi that talked about being hyper-focused on the moment and the necessity of purpose in attaining that level of focus. Recently, I’ve started to step away from a totally goal-oriented state of mind, but I’ve still retained the habit of setting goals and trying to figure out how to achieve them.

Then, I read an insightful post on Zen Habits about the importance of having no goals. The main idea was that people shouldn't be limited by their goals and to discover unexpected things by following your passions and picking up on sidenotes.

I think one danger of this mentality of doing whatever pleases you at the time is that it can also be limiting, in a sense. For example, one of the hobbies I’m trying to pick up right now is to learn to play the harmonica. I really don’t know how to play it very well and I’m trying to learn a lot of the basics. A lot of times, I don’t really want to go through the drudgery or learning the basics, but if I never put in the time to learn them, I’ll never really learn how to play the harmonica to its fullest. Now you might think that the harmonica might not be one of my passions. Which could be true, so I’ll use another example.

One of my favorite hobbies is running. I’ve been running for about 8 years now, so I can safely say it is something I enjoy. One of the hardest parts of running is coming back after an injury or some time off and working your way back into shape. It feels terrible trying to get back in shape. You run a fraction of what you used to and end up feeling completely destroyed. However, I know that in order to get to a point where I can just go out for a run and enjoy it, I need to work through the tough time of getting back in shape. So is it wrong to have the goal of getting back into shape so I can enjoy running? Like most things, it’s confusing. I think part of following your passions and taking sidenotes is dabbling in things you might not like initially to see if they’ll grow on you.

I do think some goals are appropriate, including ones that are long-term like I want to get ____ job or I want to run ____ marathon. It feels great to be working towards some distant, possibly unachievable, goal. It's also a helpful trick to motivate yourself to do something that you know you'll enjoy, but isn't always on the top of your to do list. Of course, it’s also easy to hate your life because the goal you chose isn’t for you. You just have to establish a good system of picking the goals, and be willing to abandon the goals if they aren’t working for you. Like all things, I guess you just have to pick the right shade of grey.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

me too

So I was biking out of work after a late day, and just as I was getting moving, BAM, I fell again, on some train tracks. (see second post). It was about as harmless of a fall as possible, and I probably could have stayed on my feet had I been more aware. I think all I got was a small scrape on my knee. Regardless, I fell and I felt stupid. I mean, I made this exact same mistake just a few weeks ago, and acknowledged that it was an important learning experience. Did I really just make that same mistake?

As I was recomposing myself from being mildly embarrassed, and making sure my bike was ok, some lady on her bike pulled up next to me and asked me if I was ok. She went on to explain how the exact same thing happened to her the other day, and that she saw people fall at that same spot all the time. Obviously, I knew I wasn’t the first person to fall at that spot, but it was a huge relief to hear someone else tell me that.

I’m pretty self-centered, and I get caught up in my own struggles all the time. It’s easy to forget other people make mistakes, especially when you’re in a new situation and you feel like you’re screwing up all the time.

I think there’s a quote that says something like, “The most comforting words in the world are, me too.” That’s a big part of why I wanted to start this blog, to remind people that other people are out there taking risks and falling on their bikes. Maybe it will encourage you to take a risk, or at least feel some comfort when you fall.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

stop for a minute

I am starting to see more and more that one of the points of life is to throw yourself into the community you’re in. So, one of my main day to day focuses has been to have better interaction with the people around me.

As I start to get busier and involved with more things, naturally I get more stressed and overwhelmed. When I’m stressed and overwhelmed, it’s a lot harder for me to deal with people, as I imagine it is for just about everyone. I read a smart quote that said, “It is easy to be heavy, hard to be light.” That quote has a lot of truth to it. It’s easy for me to just cut people out completely and go into a world of my own, not interacting with society at all.

So as a way to make sure I continue staying light, I’ve started to work out little tricks that help me stay happy and pleasant with others. I have two important ones. One is that I always try to make sure I am getting enough sleep. I don’t always want to get more sleep, I’d rather be reading, watching another episode of Scrubs, sitting around eating snacks, but I know that if I don’t get enough sleep, inevitably the next day around 2 or 3 I’ll hit that mid-afternoon tired and get snappy, short with people, and generally be no good at being with people.

The second trick is one I developed from my time with the Kenyon College Community Choir. Before every recital our conductor would remind us to take two deep breaths by putting two fingers up in front of him, so the entire choir could see but the audience couldn’t. For me, the gesture was kind of a reminder to slow down, reorient myself in the moment, and remember why I’m here.

So sometimes when I’m feeling overwhelmed I’ll purposely slow down my walking and take in the moment a little more, or I’ll just stop entirely, put two fingers up, and take two deep breaths to regain composure and put myself back in the moment. When it works, it really reminds me that I might feel overwhelmed but I should be grateful for this opportunity because I really do want to throw myself into as much as possible.

Ironically, I lost a little bit of sleep writing this..

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Living the Dream

One of my first semi-major sidenotes came up the other day. I was asked to lead a home community, or small group, with my church this fall. This chance to lead home communities pretty cleanly fits two of my major goals.

1- Become more involved with my church
2- Lead through serving others

I should be super excited, which I am. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel nervous. I mean, I don’t even know what I would talk about! What if people come to my small group but don’t get anything out of it? Or what if people don’t come? That would be sad. It’s kind of the, be careful what you wish for because you just might get it!

There was a quote I really liked from Sherman Alexie’s The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, something like:

“Scared means you want to leave, nervous means you want to play.”

I am nervous about this opportunity, and I think being nervous is great because it means you care. A lot of times hopes and dreams seem awesome as hopes and dreams, but I find that when they actually fall into your lap they’re really a lot more of a pain than you expected. Living the dream is a lot harder than it seems. It makes you nervous, second-guess yourself, pile on more work to your schedule, and so on. Thomas Edison had this fitting quote:

“Most people don’t recognize opportunity when it comes, because it’s usually dressed in overalls and looks a lot like work.”

I’ve noticed people idealizing following your dream into the idea of a zero hour work week. I think the zero hour work week is when you’re following your dream it always feels like play, so you really aren’t working at all. I guess I would tend to disagree with that. A lot of times, following your dreams is to love what you’re doing and enjoy every moment, but there are also moments when you have to suck it up and fight through some rough patches. It’s a balance between aligning your actions with your goals while enjoying the moment.

I hope this home community experience helps me get involved with the church, and/or learn to lead. If not, maybe it will be fun, and I’d be happy with that. I guess I’m here for the sidenotes, so we’ll see how it goes.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Well, we'll try again tomorrow

“Courage does not always roar, sometimes, courage is the quiet voice at the end of the night whispering, I will try again tomorrow.”

I saw this quote on a card while I was standing in line at Powell’s, a bookstore. Since then, it has really been reassuring to me, and it’s definitely helped me keep my head up.

I agree with the quote. Courage is not always about that warrior mentality of tackling problems head on. It’s easy for me to beat myself up for making mistakes and get stuck dwelling too much in the past. I think though, it really takes courage to forgive yourself for a mistake, while maintaining the resolve to try to fix it tomorrow. That commitment to try to fix it tomorrow has been the most helpful part of this quote for me.

Throwing myself into as much as possible here in Portland, and trying to infuse my days with as much life as possible has come with lots of failures. I think the most common mistake I make is when I felt like I should have reached out to someone to try and create a relationship, but I didn’t. I’m quiet and shy, so building relationships is a constant exciting challenge. Per day, there are countless missed opportunities when I should’ve made conversation but didn’t. But I’ve been trying to tell myself, I will try again tomorrow.

When that next opportunity comes up for me to connect with someone, I am instantly reminded that I resolved to try again tomorrow, and tomorrow is in front of me! That reminder has been a powerful way to make myself reach out more, and just to try.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Hummingbird Theory

This theory is near the crux of what I believe, so I always wanted to flesh this idea out. I came up with the Hummingbird Theory a few months ago but I like to think I’ve lived by it for a while.

I was at a bead store over spring break, looking at all the cool random animal beads. I found a hummingbird that I really liked, so I decided to buy it and make a necklace out of it. Later, someone asked me why I bought a hummingbird necklace, and I didn’t really have a good answer. Naturally, I looked up hummingbirds on Wikipedia, and came up with the hummingbird theory.

Hummingbirds have the fastest metabolic rate of all animals. They are constantly on the verge of starvation, and are always fighting for their survival. In essence, that’s how I want to be living.

I stole this quote from one of my wise friends, the quote is by George Bernard Shaw.

“This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake.

Life is no ‘brief candle’ for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

While I’ve started to recognize that being too ambitious and hard-working can be dangerous and lead to burn out, at the same time I still believe life is about pushing your limits and being thoroughly used up.

A lot of times I hate myself for being busy. Last night, a Friday, I was packing up to go home from work. I was beat from a long week and ready to relax. I checked my phone before heading out and I had a text from a friend that started, “Hey Ken, you busy tonight?...” I was immediately prepared to text back, “Sorry, not tonight, it’s been a long week.” Then I finished reading the rest of the text, “We could use your help feeding the homeless..” At that moment I thought, damn.

If he had finished the text with anything else I would have been prepared to bag it and go home. But I knew that I wanted to commit to a cause bigger than myself, and to be exhausted fighting for that cause. Sometimes, opportunities fall into your lap when you don’t want them, but it’s kind of the, be careful what you ask for, kind of idea. So I headed off to help out.

This is not to say everybody should be feeding the homeless, and I don’t want anyone leaving with that impression so I wanted to end with this Vince Lombardi quote.

“The quality of a man’s life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence, regardless of his chosen field of endeavor.”

I think that’s really what the hummingbird theory tries to get at. Find your dream, commit, and chase after it relentlessly.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Judgment

I remember talking to my friend Tom about judgment and the dangers of perceiving things as good or bad. Judgment is definitely something I am trying to work on these days. I love the idea of changing and making myself more like the kind of person I want to become, it’s most of what I think about. I think constantly changing is one of the points of life. At the same time I also want avoid judging my current life as bad, and to be happy as things are.

I think it helps pretty much every aspect of your life to be happy, relationships, play, work. Not only does it make you more pleasant to be around, it also gives you a lot of extra physical and mental energy. Sidenote, I think being pleasant to be around is one of the most vastly underrated intangibles. On crappy days it’s a lot easier to be around some people. People who have a sixth sense for other’s moods, maybe. Realizing this, I am trying to make myself more pleasant to be around. I haven’t exactly figured out how though. Anyways, I think that extra energy has really helped me dive right into life in Portland, and getting involved in as much good stuff as possible. By being happy with myself and with the things I’m involved in, I don’t get as easily overwhelmed or burned out.

I think I read somewhere that staying in the moment has to do with non-judgmental consciousness. By attaining such an awareness that isn’t clouded by our judgments, we can begin to perceive things as they are and really understand what is going on around us. For example, if something bad happens like we get turned down for a job, we suddenly become blind to all the good things that could result from it. Maybe the job wasn’t exactly right us, or maybe the next job we come across is way better.

Nothing is universally good or bad, it’s all shades of grey. This sort of real understanding and being open to see all the results of an event is crucial to when I do re-evaluations of my life, and try to think about how much I like how I’ve been spending my days, and how it aligns with my goals.

So being less judgmental is two-fold helpful. It allows me to be happier with my own life, making my day to day existence more pleasant, which in turn gives me the chance to keep challenging myself. But it also prevents my many pre-conceived biases from getting in the way of real seeing what’s going on in my life.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

All My Friends

“You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan
And the next five years trying to be with your friends again.”

Sometimes I will just be listening to music mindlessly, and all of a sudden a song will come on that I know has some sort of epic meaning for my life. It’s usually just a random line from the song, or the feel I get from a song. The other night, I was listening to my iTunes on shuffle, and this new song, LCD Soundsystem’s “All My Friends,” came up. At first, I didn’t really think much of it, but the above lyrics caught my attention and I ended up listening to it a couple more times. The rest of the song is about a similar theme to the quoted lyrics, about the uncertainty of life and the certainty of friends.

I suppose I am in the first five years of trying to figure out my life and where it is headed. The song definitely reminds me of the importance of keeping in touch with old friends, even when I start to get busy, and to appreciate the importance of making small gestures. I always try to keep my friends close to my heart, and have pictures of them all around me at home and work to remind me of them. Although I try to avoid living in the past too much, it is always heartwarming to think of old memories.

I remember back in middle school Health class, we did this auction exercise, in which we were given a list of life priorities. They ranged from get rich, have a great family, to excel at job. We were able to auction off a set of points to “win” a priority in life. I think the goal of the exercise was to end up with a set of priorities you were happy with. I ended up putting all of my points towards keeping good friends all throughout life. This might be my only significant memory from middle school. Anyways, I will end with more lyrics from “All My Friends.”

“Where are your friends tonight?”

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Who is humanity?

I’m really into TED talks, which are 15-20 min presentations by people with great ideas ranging from education innovation to data presentation. I recently watched a good one by Simon Sinek. His talk was about what qualities make great leaders unique, and he focused on the three levels of doing. The first level is what we do, which most everyone knows. The second level is how we do it, which less people know. The third level is why we do it, which very few people know. Most people can only describe what they do, but the great leaders attract others by knowing why they live, and let their actions follow suit.

He used Apple as an example:

Why - Apple believes in challenging the status quo and making innovative products to make your life better.

How - they do this by creating products with a better and sleeker design.

What - they make computers, mp3 players, and phones, want to buy one?

I’m currently typing this on an Apple computer so I figure this guy must have something right, and I decided I wanted to create an abstract but simple dream for why I live.

My dream, both for myself and the world, is for our understanding of humanity to expand. I am hoping to learn that humanity is not just about myself, my circle of family and friends, my social class, or my country, but it is about every single human being.

How am I going to do this? By establishing a sense of solidarity with people who are different from me. What am I going to do? Well, I’m not exactly sure, but I’m hoping to hit on some good sidenotes.

Speaking of sidenotes, earlier today I was reading Street Roots, a newspaper sold by the homeless as a way to provide them with a job, and I was thinking about how fun it would be to write for them. At the end of the paper was a rallying cry to recruit more columnists. So I applied! We’ll see if that sidenote pans out..

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

New Friends

A couple summers ago, my friend Mooks and I talked a lot about what sort of people we wanted to date. Inevitably, an important point was spending time with people who bring out the best in you. We talked about how we had different personalities depending on who we were around. C. S. Lewis had a similar insight, that it takes a whole community to know an individual. I suppose this is one reason it’s dangerous to rely too heavily on one relationship, like inseparable couples, since it only allows one side of you to be developed.

I’m not really sure what sort of people bring out the best in me. As far as people who bring out a side of me that I like, I think I like myself most when I can be open, honest, and willing to take risks. Some people definitely invite that side of me, though I can’t exactly put my finger on what sort of person. I also really love being around people who motivate me to push myself. I think that’s one thing I really appreciated about being on a sports team is that it created an ambitious atmosphere. Ideally, I guess I would be around people who motivate me to be open and take risks.

As for what sort of people bring out a side of me that I don’t like, I’m pretty easily influenced, so if I’m around negative attitudes or too much complaining that definitely rubs off on me. I’m trying to avoid being too negative since it’s the easiest way for me to get stuck in my head and not active enough.

I guess the point of all this is that I want to pay attention to the people I surround myself with, and what sort of personality certain people bring out in me. These sorts of ideas make me glad that I am meeting so many new people, I can only hope that they are bringing out new sides of me. On a sidenote, I never really expected to love meeting new people so much, both because it’s scary and because I love the friends I already have. I kind of figured, why meet more? Well, I guess because otherwise I wouldn’t really be changing.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Drunken Singing and a Better World

I always liked music, but I never thought about what music could do for the world. This all changed when I saw a set of youtube clips by a group called Playing For Change. They are a nonprofit lead by Mark Johnson, a producer who won Grammies, but got tired of the music industry. Instead of producing more hits, he traveled the world to record street artists in New Orleans, France, South Africa, India, Nepal, everywhere. He connected the artists by having them listen to the recordings of the other artists and play along. It sounds kind of confusing, and it probably was confusing to organize, but it’s actually kind of irrelevant, just watch the clip. It’s “Stand By Me”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

They have a couple other awesome songs, including Bob Marley’s “War” and one called “Chanda Mama.” I found they are really really fun to watch along with someone else, especially if you’re video chatting and at a lack for something to talk about. Anyways, these clips really convinced me that music is an essential part of bringing people together, and must be a component of a better world. Locker rooms bond with stupid but loveable songs. Everyone has that random song that will always bring up warm feelings, whether it reminds them of their first girlfriend or some random childhood memory. And of course, drunken singing will be one of my all-time favorite memories from college.

What I always loved about music was how some musicians just looked like they were so into their music. A great example is Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah”. It always gives me an eerie feeling, but I appreciate how much of his heart he must have put into that song. That’s one thing I love about these street musicians playing in Playing For Change, just watching them, you can tell they really love what they do.

Anyways, if I thought music was really a component of a better world, I figured I should get involved. So, I decided to try and pick up an instrument. I wanted it to be portable, so I could show off in the off chance that I ever became good, and easy to learn, because I’m lazy. I settled on the harmonica as my instrument of choice, only partly because I liked the harmonica solo in that “She likes me for me!” song. I’ve been practicing on and off since I got out to Portland, and I’m not quite sure if it’s going to be one of my random new activities that sticks. I can’t quite tell if it’s one of those things I like the idea of, but in practice don’t love, or I just need to stick with it a bit. Well, regardless, I definitely encourage you to check out Playing For Change.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Social Justice or Happiness?

So last night I read an interesting passage from Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project. Her blog, also entitled the Happiness Project, was one of the inspirations to starting my own blog, so I was excited to read her book. It’s about her journey to find happiness in everyday things without making radical changes to her life. Basically, it’s an attempt to better appreciate the incredible life she already has. So anyways, the passage was a conversation between Rubin and an acquaintance that follows like this:

Friend: Everybody’s so obsessed with finding happiness and it really isn’t the point.

Rubin: Well we’ve reached a decent level of prosperity in our society. Isn’t it admirable that people set their sights on higher goals like happiness?

Friend: People should be more concerned with social justice, and peace, and the environment.

As Rubin tried to explain her project to others, she frequently encountered such criticism. This passage was so striking to me, because a year or two ago, I would have made that exact same criticism. After becoming aware of the grave injustices of the world I became obsessed with trying to right those wrongs, the only way I knew, by working hard and burying myself. I didn’t have time for my own happiness. In retrospect, this was, of course, not the best course of action.

I think about this, because I am essentially spending my life now to do whatever I want, enjoy myself, and learn about myself. At its essence, it is a very egocentric life. How would I answer to that friend who told me I should be more concerned with the world than “finding myself?”

That’s a hard question but if I had to answer now it would be something like this:

Helping people because I feel like I have to, which is how I used to feel, is completely different from helping people because it brings me happiness, which is how I am hoping to feel.

This Martin Luther King quote also represents my thoughts well:

“I submit to you that if a man hasn’t discovered something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”

There is really no cause in my life right now, that I feel so much solidarity for that I would die for it. I only have a shallow understanding of how I want to help people, who I want to help, etc. I’ve read enough of Pauline Chen’s columns (a surgeon that writes for the NYTimes) to know that med school/residency burnout is a far too common problem in medicine, and in other service fields. I think people burn out, largely because they jumped into a cause they weren’t prepared to die for, and when they started to die a little bit, they had to jump ship to a different cause. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with changing ships, I’ve done and will continue to do that. And that’s really what I’m doing now, hoping that if I just keep following random passions I’ll come across a good ship to jump on.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

my super productive days

“Sometimes I sits and I thinks. And sometimes, I just sits.”
- Satchel Paige

Another problem with the ambitious/motivated mentality is that it leads to a super fast paced lifestyle. It’s great because you feel productive and you get a lot done. I remember having tons of days when I ran from a class where I didn’t learn anything, to lab where I zoned out, to a meeting where I half paid attention, to practice where the highlight was showering with a bunch of other guys, to doing homework while zoning out, and finally back to my apartment to pass out. At the end of those days I felt super productive.


I think there are a couple traps I really fell for with that sort of obsession over productivity. One is, I would be obsessing over the act of being productive over whatever it was I was actually doing. I really loved feeling productive, but what did it really get me? Really, nothing, and I was doing a great job of losing track of the moment. All those days kind of just blend into a blur of work.


The other trap is that I failed to have quiet time to myself. I didn’t have that time in my day to just sit and reflect. One of my favorite times, is when I can just sit around, know I have no responsibilities, and listen to music. It’s pains me to have time like this, even when I actually have the time in my schedule for it. I always feel like I need to be doing this and that to improve myself, get more sleep, hang out with a friend I haven’t seen in a while, or whatever it is. I’ve been trying to go out of my way to give myself more “unproductive” time like this, when I try to zone out. It’s definitely a balance, when I have too much unproductive time, it drives me way more crazy than the other way around. Still, I know it really helps me to notice other options in life when I have that time to slow down a little. One thing that’s been helping me out is avoiding the productivity god of multi-tasking, so I try not to read at meals or listen to music during my commute, as a way to give myself some built in quiet time.


from ken


Are you trying to change your life? Tell me about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Sherman Alexie

“There is another world, but it is in this one.”
- W. B. Yeats


A fitting quote for a journey of change. More importantly, this quote is the beginning to an awesome book I just read called, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. It was one of those books that reminded how much I love reading. It’s a novel/autobiography about a boy, Junior, who grows up on the reservation (the Rez), but leaves to go to a white high school. The story goes on about his challenges ranging from trying out for the basketball team, mourning deaths in his family, to chasing a pretty white girl. For me, the most powerful part of the story is the relationship between Junior and Rowdy, his ex-best friend from the Rez. Rowdy intensely resents Junior for leaving behind his Indian community. One of the things I think a lot about is what real love is, and their relationship really reminds me of what it might look like. If you’re looking for a quick summer read, it’s probably one of the best books I’ve ever read.


from ken


Are you trying to change your life? Tell me about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Activism and patting myself on the back

One of the first things I wanted to work on out here in Portland is how I thought of myself as an activist. I had a great conversation about social justice, in which we talked about the importance of agency, and actually helping the people we want to help, rather than helping ourselves.

I was reminded of this conversation in a book I just finished reading called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. At one point he asks, “Do we want to be social activists, or be seen as social activists?” Damn. Of course, it’s a little bit of both. Do I want to help people? Sure. But do I avoid the attention when people talk about what a good person I am? Of course not. And did you know that social work is dominated by women? Don’t think I didn’t notice that.

Anyways, I wanted to change this about myself while in Portland. I wanted to start by actually learning about the poor and the people I supposedly wanted to help. I wanted to learn to relate to them and understand their problems at a deeper level than, you are poor and I am not, I will help you. The playwrite Bertolt Brecht wrote, “The compassion of the oppressed for the oppressed is indispensible. It is the world’s one hope.” Brecht was definitely onto something. There are tons of rich people who survive cancer and decide, I want to raise money for cancer! Everyone always has a soft spot for people who struggle with the same thing they do.

As a way to work on my lack of solidarity with the poor. I decided to join a church that is way different than one I expected to be joining. The church is called Agape Church of Christ, and about 20% of the attendees are homeless. There are prostitutes, recovering alcoholics, hoping to be recovering drug addicts, etc. On July 4th, I went to a church BBQ hosted by one of my homeless brothers at the church. I later found out that he had paid for the BBQ with his food stamps. I was floored. Here I was hoarding my OHSU paycheck that I get for eating snacks, messing up experiments, and thinking about what to write here, and here was this guy giving literally everything he had for his friends. If I could ever learn to care with a portion of the heart of his, I would probably be on to something about being “an activist”.

from ken

Are you working on changing in your life? Tell me about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Big Papi

Well, since yesterday I wrote about one of my life rules, “Trial by Fire.” I guess I’ll continue on and try to work through some of my other life rules.

One of my other rules is, “Go big or go home.” Hearing this reminds me of Red Sox icon David Ortiz, back when he was an absolute monster. I think for a couple years he was probably the most loved professional athlete. EVERYBODY in Boston was obsessed with Big Papi. But anyways, I think this rule really is about being bold. In the bottom of the ninth, when the game is on the line, inevitably Ortiz would come up to bat. Often, he would be the hero with a walk-off home run. And if he didn’t, he would at least go down swinging, which was admirable, because don’t you hate it when a game ends with a called strikeout?

I always wish I could be bold like that. I once heard a quote, "There is no love, only acts of love." So I figured, there are bold people, only bold acts. So maybe if I did bold things I would eventually become bold, or I would be someone who committed bold acts, or something.

This is why I came to Portland. After spending four years at Kenyon, I became way too comfortable in my life and routine. I had my running, classes, and research. Which were great. But it was stressful for me to try to do different things because I couldn’t let any of those three things go. Whenever I tried to pick up something new I felt like I had to add it to my pile and I got overwhelmed. I felt like if I wanted to try new things, I had to completely branch off and take a big risk.

On a sidenote, my favorite part of my life is friends (the first sidenote!). Today, I finally got my own desk at work, and I pinned up about 30 pictures of my friends. My apartment is similarly decorated. I love it. It was, and continues to be scary for me to leave all my friends, from Boston, from Kenyon, to move out to Portland.

Still, I knew if I wanted to retool my routine I had to completely change my environment. So I’m still glad I came out here, and it’s definitely allowing me to branch out, try new things, and meet new people.

Also, did you know sidenote isn’t a word?

from ken

How are you retooling your life? I’d love to hear about it. ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Trial by Fire

One of my new strategies in finding things I love is to just pick up as many new things as possible and test-drive them, hoping that a couple of them will stick. One of them is to become an adept biker.

A lot of times, it’s hard for me to do new things because in the beginning you make lots of mistakes and look foolish. I’m trying not to take myself so seriously that I can’t make mistakes. I want to make mistakes so I can learn more, and laugh at myself for looking stupid.

I’m pretty terrible at biking. I learned to bike sometime last year, and if you put me on a bike path and I could just go straight I would probably not fall. But today I decided to abide by one of my life pillars, “Trial by fire,” and thought it would be a great idea to just jump right into it and bike around downtown. As I was doing this, I knew this was probably a bad idea, but I was riding parallel to some train tracks on the road. The next thing I know, BAM, I’m on the ground. It’s a good thing I can’t really bike fast and I was just coasting, so I just ended up with some scratches and small bruises. I dejectedly biked home, avoiding roads with traffic.

Anyways, this fall was just a good reminder for me to accept making mistakes and looking stupid, but also not to push my limits too early.

from ken

How are you evolving your life? I’d love to hear about it. ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

In the beginning...

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, what will you do with it?

I’m sure you’ve heard that before. I have. But do you know that feeling when you really start to understand an idea you’ve been hearing for years? Well I’m just now starting to internalize what that statement means. And I think it means: stay in the moment, and love what you’re doing now.

I used to be in love with the idea of the future. I am ambitious, motivated, and hard-working. That tends to lead to a lifestyle oriented towards goals and how to achieve them. That, in a nutshell, is how I spent my time at Kenyon College, a rural school in Ohio.

Goal: I want to run varsity for Kenyon’s cross country team.
Plan: Run 90 miles a week all summer, hate life.

Goal: I want to go to med school.
Plan: Start getting good grades, study hard for the MCATs, and pad resume with research internships.

Goal: I want to have a girlfriend.
Plan: Choose a girl I like, relentlessly pursue them, and convert religions.

etc.

During my senior year of college I wrote an honors thesis on the survival mechanisms of bacteria that cause food poisoning. I didn’t write the thesis because I loved research, I liked doing experiments but not really thinking about the science behind it, or because I loved biology, I’m interested in how the body works but I don’t love studying. Instead, I wrote a thesis because I was ambitious and wanted to do something recognized as hard.

One day, I had a funny conversation with a friend that was also working on a thesis. Her thesis was about the growth scaling of caterpillars. We were talking about how invested we had become in our projects. She was having trouble growing her caterpillars, so she was troubleshooting with her adviser and she said, “Maybe the kids aren’t eating enough!” She loved her project so much she unconsciously mistook her caterpillars for kids! I always just thought people doing research were doing it to pad their resumes, like I was. But this conversation really made me realize, “Wow! These are the people who should be doing research!” Which made me realize, “Wait, maybe I shouldn’t be doing research!” And of course, this made me rethink how I was spending my days.

I recently graduated from Kenyon College and moved out to Portland, Oregon. Even more recently, I decided I want to use this move as a catalyst to change how I live my life and really how I spend my hours and minutes.

John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans.”

My friend Mooks and I had an epic email chain one summer that was over 10,000 words. In this chain, we would ramble on about something, and then some other more interesting idea would come up. In this situation we would say, “Sidenote:” and then go off on another tangent. This writing style is a great metaphor for how I want to try to direct my life. By forgetting about my long-term goals, I can check out some of the more tempting sidenotes that come up everyday, and maybe do a better job of focusing on the moment. We’ll see!

from ken

What are you doing with the first day of the rest of your life? I'd love to hear about it!