“When I get older, I will be stronger.”
- K’naan
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This past week marked the two year anniversary of the earthquakes in Haiti. For those of you who missed it, there was a series of earthquakes in Haiti that killed millions due to a lack of infrastructure and functional government. This was due to a plethora of reasons including selfish leaders and the structure of the global economy.
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Flashback two years ago at Kenyon: I was inspired by the great problems of the world - global poverty, infectious diseases, natural disasters - and busy planning and fundraising for a service trip to Haiti. My hope was multi-fold: to pad my resume (of course), to see my hero Paul Farmer’s home turf, and to inspire my fellow students (mostly myself) to live for a world bigger than themselves.
The earthquakes threw a wrench in my plans. After a couple weeks of soul searching, I decided it would be irresponsible to go to Haiti, considering we had so few skills to offer. Instead, I switched gears, - postponing my trip to Haiti for a year when things would hopefully be more stable, and focusing my current efforts on fundraising for Paul Farmer’s healthcare non-profit Partners in Health.
On the surface, it was more or less a success - I raised some money for Haiti, built up attention for global issues, and had people singing my praises. Logically, I would agree that it was a success. But if you had asked me how I felt, I would have told you I felt like a failure.
I don’t know what I expected from my efforts. I probably imagined that we’d raise an unfathomable amount of money, or that the campus would explode in a flurry of social justice activism. When all that didn’t happen, I was pissed. I chose to spend more time in the lab, and focus on my research project that was close to being published.
I went into social activism because of a simple belief – I just wanted to help – but my time as an activist left me with an ugly truth.
When push came to shove, I chose not to make sacrifice for a country desperately in need. I backed off on my activism efforts, and redirected towards more successful pursuits. I was the same selfish person as the government officials or apathetic potheads. The ugly truth – people never change and the world would never become a less selfish place.
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Two years later, I still haven’t made it down to Haiti, nor do I plan to. It would hurt too much to go.
It still hurts to remember how selfish I was.
I get a reminder every time I receive an email from Partners in Health asking for another donation.
At the same time, I can’t bring myself to unsubscribe from those emails. They remind me of a time in my life when I was an idealist – a part of me I really love. And even now, a small small part of me believes that I can be stronger, and that the world can still change.
See you on the other side,
from ken
Feel free to comment! I would love to hear your thoughts.
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