Newton/Noguchi tackle theology: Why do bad things happen? pt 2

Heath Newton loves Texas, basketball, and winning.  He also loves people and relationships, but those topics are not quite as interesting.  We met at the Agape Church of Christ in Portland, watched lots of basketball, and analyzed life’s big questions along the way.  

This is part 2 of a virtual coffee date with Heath.  [pt 1 here]

The topic: Why do bad things happen?

Ken: Interesting – what about Africa taught you the “suffer together” point?

there's something special about people you suffer with

Heath: One day (and sadly many days, this just happened to be the first of its kind) we went to a village and a family was in mourning because their child had just died. Their customary way is to have guests sit with them. Just sit with it. Just feel heartbreak together.

The level of connection in that moment was immense. To simply sit with someone as humans. As people who experience things in similar ways.

We did not ask for bad things to happen, but once they did we were bonded by a shared experience because we were with each other and we have the capacity to feel what others feel.

They also have a phrase of mourning that I always think of when I'm in a situation of immense suffering. I don't know how to spell it so I won't attempt it, but it was an actual word that translated to "oh no." Most of the time it was difficult to even muster up that word, but it was the only one that was ever appropriate beyond simple groaning of shared pain.

what's the point of having friends?

K: Powerful story - regardless of who we are, we are all human and we all fundamentally feel the same emotions.  I once read somewhere, maybe in an Anne Lamott book, that chicken little already proclaimed the sky was falling, so we needed to spend the rest of our time comforting each other about it.  

This is definitely a powerful plug for your job as a counselor - would you say this idea of being with other humans is a strong driver for you being a counselor?

H: I wouldn't necessarily call in comforting. I would call it validating. People sit across from me, knowing I have nothing at stake or reason to comfort them (I guess you could argue money), and when they are validated because I can grasp, understand, and perhaps share those "bad" feelings its a powerful thing. To know that you are heard and to feel that someone gets that. I think it shares the burden and allows you to not have to hold the weight of the badness, which itself may not be understandable or controllable. 

Maybe that's one reason why pain and suffering bonds us together so well. We are forced to say we are not in control. And when others bear that truth with us, we can cope better with a truth that is hard for us to swallow. By the way, I'm thinking out loud and I'm not sure if I will believe any of this in 5 minutes.

K: Money - I love the idea of validating way more than comforting.  I wish I had thought of that.  Empathy is so much more powerful than sympathy.  And maybe that's why relationships are so important, so we can share the truths and struggles of life?

We didn’t even break into the God stuff, but we’ll wrap up here.  Thanks Heath!

See you on the other side,

from ken and heath

Why do you think bad things happen?  Please share!