When everything was falling apart

Maybe you’ve heard The Fray song, “You Found Me.” I always saw this song as a beautiful story:

Isaac, the lead singer, is wandering the dimly lit streets of Denver by himself. He is clearly weary, to the point where he’s questioning the existence of a God he’s not even sure he believes in. Out of desperation he cries out, “Where you been?”

God replies back: Ask anything.

Isaac: Where were you, when my marriage was falling apart?

Where were you when there were starving kids in Africa?

Where were you single mothers lost their jobs because of irresponsible bosses?

I kept calling you!

God: What? Where were you? Why do you think I sent you?

…

If I have been gifted with anything throughout my lifetime, it is an acute ability to feel other people’s suffering. When I hear about a family’s messy divorce, or a friend’s struggle with depression, I feel their pain, sharply. Suffering is how I understand the world, and at the same time it’s what draws me into the world. I want people to feel just a little bit less pain.

Going day to day, sometimes I can become obsessed, and all I see is suffering. Some days it drive me crazy.

Other days I see different things. Some days I see the good people I’ve met during my life. People I love. People I sometimes care about, in a weird way, more than myself. On some days, those people keep me from giving up on life.

Two of my friends recently got engaged. Maybe you know them: Kaleb Keyserling and Lauren Metzger. They are absolutely lovely human beings. If I grow into half the human being the two of them are, I would count my life as a success.

Hearing they got engaged, it warmed my heart in a way that nothing else has in a long time. In such an ugly world, it made me feel like good things still happen in the world. Two beautiful human beings, can still come together and live in happiness. It made me feel, for a short moment that everything was right in the world. And that the world could still be how it was meant to be.

And this intersection is what keeps me going.

On one hand, I see suffering.

On the other, I see people I love.

And it pains me to live in a world where those two things have to intersect.

This is why I choose to live. If I could have anything, I would want people to be happy. I think, maybe if I become a little smarter, a little more patient, or more humble, maybe I can leave the world a better place.

When I die, and God asks me, “Where were you, when everything was falling apart?” I can say that I was there. I can say that I cared about people, and I tried.

from ken

Feel free to comment! I would love to hear your thoughts.