Why pancakes?

"They'll never get caught. They're on a mission from God."

This morning a handful of my friends and I will be making free pancakes and coffee for our other med student friends. I've had several people ask us why we do this. I can't speak for the rest of the guys, but I figured I should at least speak for myself. 


Let me start with a sidenote - there's this interesting phenomenon that I've noticed. The most successful addiction treatment, AA, is run and was created by alcoholics. Similarly, black doctors make great role models for young black students. There's a reason for this phenomenon, alcoholics understand the struggle of alcoholics. I like to think they have a unique calling to help alcoholics. 

When I realized this, I struggled for a long time to find my own mission. Did I care about dying families in Haiti? Drug addicts? Well, I had never grown up in rural poverty or been addicted to drugs, so those were out. Eventually I realized, God sent me to help med students. Med students are my people. My best friends are med students. I love med school. I want to match at a competitive residency. I'm super type A. I love efficiency. I understand the med student life. I live and breathe it.  

I'm passionate about so many different sides of medicine. At different times in my life, I've wished I could be Paul Farmer/Roger Mee/Brian Druker. Realistically, I can't approach any of those guys. Instead I wanted to make my life about serving and mentoring medical students - working in academia. I want to figure out ways to empower med students so they can leave med school and change the world in millions of different ways that I could never fathom. 

Among the many facets of med student life - one thing I'm particularly passionate about is the role of the hidden curriculum in physician burnout. I believe the quality of healthcare could be improved by producing more passionate and less burned out med students. And that brings me back to the beginning, this is why I make pancakes. 

One of the promises I made to myself when I started sidenote was that I would live a life where my long-term goals were a part of my everyday life. sidenote - that's a big reason I write this blog. I want to entertain my fellow med students, and share our common story so we can all remember - we're in this together. I didn't want to start serving med students when I eventually become dean of medicine in thirty years. I want to help med students right now, by helping med students take a break, even in shit-hit-the-fan times like neuro test week. I want med students to come together and talk about life. I want them to come out of isolation and be in community. Even if it's only to come eat free pancakes and drink super strong coffee. 

Help me help you. 11:30 AM today in the lounge. Tell your friends. 

see you on the other side,

from ken

enjoy sidenote in 140 characters or less @kensidenotelife.

Newton/Noguchi tackle theology: Why do bad things happen? pt 2

Heath Newton loves Texas, basketball, and winning.  He also loves people and relationships, but those topics are not quite as interesting.  We met at the Agape Church of Christ in Portland, watched lots of basketball, and analyzed life’s big questions along the way.  

This is part 2 of a virtual coffee date with Heath.  [pt 1 here]

The topic: Why do bad things happen?

Ken: Interesting – what about Africa taught you the “suffer together” point?

there's something special about people you suffer with

Heath: One day (and sadly many days, this just happened to be the first of its kind) we went to a village and a family was in mourning because their child had just died. Their customary way is to have guests sit with them. Just sit with it. Just feel heartbreak together.

The level of connection in that moment was immense. To simply sit with someone as humans. As people who experience things in similar ways.

We did not ask for bad things to happen, but once they did we were bonded by a shared experience because we were with each other and we have the capacity to feel what others feel.

They also have a phrase of mourning that I always think of when I'm in a situation of immense suffering. I don't know how to spell it so I won't attempt it, but it was an actual word that translated to "oh no." Most of the time it was difficult to even muster up that word, but it was the only one that was ever appropriate beyond simple groaning of shared pain.

what's the point of having friends?

K: Powerful story - regardless of who we are, we are all human and we all fundamentally feel the same emotions.  I once read somewhere, maybe in an Anne Lamott book, that chicken little already proclaimed the sky was falling, so we needed to spend the rest of our time comforting each other about it.  

This is definitely a powerful plug for your job as a counselor - would you say this idea of being with other humans is a strong driver for you being a counselor?

H: I wouldn't necessarily call in comforting. I would call it validating. People sit across from me, knowing I have nothing at stake or reason to comfort them (I guess you could argue money), and when they are validated because I can grasp, understand, and perhaps share those "bad" feelings its a powerful thing. To know that you are heard and to feel that someone gets that. I think it shares the burden and allows you to not have to hold the weight of the badness, which itself may not be understandable or controllable. 

Maybe that's one reason why pain and suffering bonds us together so well. We are forced to say we are not in control. And when others bear that truth with us, we can cope better with a truth that is hard for us to swallow. By the way, I'm thinking out loud and I'm not sure if I will believe any of this in 5 minutes.

K: Money - I love the idea of validating way more than comforting.  I wish I had thought of that.  Empathy is so much more powerful than sympathy.  And maybe that's why relationships are so important, so we can share the truths and struggles of life?

We didn’t even break into the God stuff, but we’ll wrap up here.  Thanks Heath!

See you on the other side,

from ken and heath

Why do you think bad things happen?  Please share!

Newton/Noguchi tackle theology: Why do bad things happen? pt 1

Heath Newton loves Texas, basketball, and winning.  He also loves people and relationships.  We met at the Agape Church of Christ in Portland, OR, watched basketball, and analyzed life’s big questions along the way. 

Wouldn't have survived Portland without him

So here’s one big question I posed to Heath:

Ken: Why do bad things happen?

Heath: So here's my short on why bad things happen. Because they must. If we understand ourselves as free agents or people with free will, there must exist the possibility of bad things happening to good people or we do not have free will. 

However, I'm not completely sure if I believe we have freewill. And that's another conversation, but its a huge part of the equation. 

I also think we learn the most and connect closely with others through pain and suffering. I feel like most people would not reject the hard time because those times have made them who they are.

My final point for now would be ... well I forgot because I got sidetracked ... but this might have been it. I grew up in a sheltered and loving home so I typically wear rose tinted glasses, at least more than the average person it would seem. So that is an important piece of my context and lens. What do you think Ken?

on top of a rock,
probably thinking about life

K: Bad things must happen.  I love that, it's simple but it gets to the point.  

You once asked me the biggest problem the world faced, and I think there are lots.  But one is that we have a misconception of what life is supposed to be.  Maybe things aren't bad, they're just things.  

These bad things provide an opportunity for bonding.  I feel like this week - test week at school - has been super stressful but at the same time a real point of bonding for me where I've been able to start developing relationships.  

H: I certainly agree with your idea that bad things usually provide unique and special opportunity for growth. There are a lot of examples in nature where this is the case ... forests must burn down as a natural part of the cycle of things comes to mind.

Also my Africa experience left me with a couple top lasting messages as far as me evaluating what I provided and what were the most important things I did. They were:

1.     Be there - Woody Allen said that some high percentage of life is all about showing up

2.     Speak their language - beyond anything we said, the fact that we were saying it in their native tongue was probably more important

3.     Suffer together - to your point

K: Before we transition into Africa I’ll cut it off and send it to a part 2 next week.

See you on the other side,

from heath and ken

Thoughts on why bad things happen?  Please comment.

The Study of Early Christians

About a year ago, I hosted a bible study at my old home, and I figured this fall I would host another one. Here's the blurb for it: 

One of the common conversations I’ve had with other Christians is about doubting the state of the church. These words really stuck with me: I still put my faith in Jesus, but I don’t know if the church is the right place for me. Maybe you’ve had these conversations too. 

I wanted to have a home community that would provide a safe place to discuss these doubts. I imagined a place with a loving husband and wife, a potluck dinner, and supportive friends. And specifically, I wanted to study the book of Acts. 

From what I just learned on Wikipedia, Acts is about the first Christians, and what they did after Jesus. They were followers of Jesus before Christianity existed. They didn’t have anyone else telling them what it was like to be a Christian. They had to learn from Jesus himself, and figure out how to be a Christian without Donald Miller or Sunday morning sermons. 

So this is the question I wanted to raise: If you could imagine being in their shoes, with Jesus as the only model, how would you be a Christian? 

from katie and ken  

Feel free to comment! I would love to hear your thoughts.

When everything was falling apart

Maybe you’ve heard The Fray song, “You Found Me.” I always saw this song as a beautiful story:

Isaac, the lead singer, is wandering the dimly lit streets of Denver by himself. He is clearly weary, to the point where he’s questioning the existence of a God he’s not even sure he believes in. Out of desperation he cries out, “Where you been?”

God replies back: Ask anything.

Isaac: Where were you, when my marriage was falling apart?

Where were you when there were starving kids in Africa?

Where were you single mothers lost their jobs because of irresponsible bosses?

I kept calling you!

God: What? Where were you? Why do you think I sent you?

…

If I have been gifted with anything throughout my lifetime, it is an acute ability to feel other people’s suffering. When I hear about a family’s messy divorce, or a friend’s struggle with depression, I feel their pain, sharply. Suffering is how I understand the world, and at the same time it’s what draws me into the world. I want people to feel just a little bit less pain.

Going day to day, sometimes I can become obsessed, and all I see is suffering. Some days it drive me crazy.

Other days I see different things. Some days I see the good people I’ve met during my life. People I love. People I sometimes care about, in a weird way, more than myself. On some days, those people keep me from giving up on life.

Two of my friends recently got engaged. Maybe you know them: Kaleb Keyserling and Lauren Metzger. They are absolutely lovely human beings. If I grow into half the human being the two of them are, I would count my life as a success.

Hearing they got engaged, it warmed my heart in a way that nothing else has in a long time. In such an ugly world, it made me feel like good things still happen in the world. Two beautiful human beings, can still come together and live in happiness. It made me feel, for a short moment that everything was right in the world. And that the world could still be how it was meant to be.

And this intersection is what keeps me going.

On one hand, I see suffering.

On the other, I see people I love.

And it pains me to live in a world where those two things have to intersect.

This is why I choose to live. If I could have anything, I would want people to be happy. I think, maybe if I become a little smarter, a little more patient, or more humble, maybe I can leave the world a better place.

When I die, and God asks me, “Where were you, when everything was falling apart?” I can say that I was there. I can say that I cared about people, and I tried.

from ken

Feel free to comment! I would love to hear your thoughts.

No one laughs at God in a hospital

This is a double Book Review for Here If You Need Me by Kate Braestrup and Love Wins by Rob Bell AND a theological debate.

Here If You Need Me is an easy to read and laughable memoir about a minister that serves search-and-rescue workers. I highly suggest this book. Braestrup has an incredible story of encountering religion on the frontlines of life and death.

Love Wins is the latest by New York Times Bestselling author Rob Bell. He discusses the confusing co-existence of an all-loving God with suffering. It raises some interesting conversation points, but it’s kind of scattered. I feel like he was pushed to get this book out to make some cash. Not highly recommended.

Sidenote: I’m on a quest to read 50 books during the calendar year, and I recently finished books 18 and 19. I usually read 5 – 10 books at a time, a product of modern day attention spans, so I’ll occasionally have awesome weeks when I finish a ton of books at once, and I’m in the middle of such a week now.

Anyways, it was interesting to read these books at the same time. Both the books apexed to the same major point.

In one story from Here If You Need Me, Braestrup writes about a day when she accompanied the wardens as they searched through snowy woods and freezing cold lakes for a missing five year old, only to find the missing victim under a thick sheet of ice. The girl was long dead and there was nothing they could do for the family.

This raises the question, and the major point from both books. In any god believing paradigm, how can a god be just, and stand by as five year old girls drown to their deaths? How can gods allow war? Why does suffering exist?

Braestrup suggests that this question, “Why does evil exist?,” is the ultimate theological question.

The answer she gives, is by far the best answer I have come across (slightly paraphrased):

“I am willing to have that theological conversation with a cop, any cop – faithful or faithfree, not because he arrives at my answer, but because he has had to look suffering right in the face. Whatever words he uses for God, he is still the one who had to take the little girl’s body out of the water and see her face and hear her mother crying.

Here is my answer: that cop took the child out from under the ice with his own hands, tried to give her his own breath, and his own heart broke when he could not save her life. He is the answer.”

I believe church is a valuable component to life. A lot of my friends now come from church, and it’s a great place for community, but I think religion/spirituality/God/etc, is found outside of Sunday. This is why I believe God has been walking with me long before I became a Christian a few years ago. This is why I believe God walks with lots of people that wouldn’t be caught dead in a church.

I guess I wasn’t able to answer why a just God would allow five year old daughters to drown. But I will say that God works despite five year old daughters drowning.

I believe God exists in the rescue workers, who hold no conception of working overtime, who are out there in the bitterly cold Maine winters searching for lost five year old daughters.

I believe God exists in teachers forgoing fancy schools and big paychecks to work with disadvantaged youth.

I believe God exists in hospitals where nurses look after patients and scientists hope to find cures to uncontrollable cancers.

I believe God exists in a good friend that will sacrifice their free time to help another friend.

Anyways, I’d love to hear anyone else’s thoughts on this.

from ken

Are you thinking about something? Write about it and post it here! Email me! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Is Christianity relevant?

Currently at church we’re doing something called advent conspiracy, where the idea is to give one less Christmas gift and instead donate that money to an international cause. Our church is getting at this point through creativity and art. My girlfriend painted something to contribute to this project, and so I shared an interpretation of her painting.

We were supposed to discuss bible verses, Matthew 25:31 – 46, which to summarize: the blessed are those that help people.

Ok, now, this is what I shared (paraphrased and revised):

I think in these verses, Matthew is getting at the core of social justice, and what it means to follow God. Simply put, helping those in need of help. So I wanted to start with something I heard the other day when I was at Danna and Katie’s bible study studying James 2.

James writes, “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?” We talked a lot about how people should show what they believe through their actions. If Christians believe in God they should let their actions speak for themselves and love everyone, regardless of the social implications.

But interestingly, James only touches on faith with no action. He has nothing to say about action with no faith.

This lead me to the obvious question: If action is faith, then what is the point of Christianity? Should we all just stop coming to church and worship activist gods like Martin Luther King and Gandhi? Does this make Jesus irrelevant?

So for a while I kept thinking about this and I think my answer to that question is why I need God.

Christianity is relevant because helping other people is really, really, hard.

Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with people. I couldn’t live without people, and I am constantly blown away at how good people are to me. But at the same time, they ruin my plans, they cut into my time, and they just generally bring chaos into my life.

Because I hate people, helping people is hard. It’s easy to take on too much, it’s exhausting, and it constantly challenges you. Really, it’s just a pain to focus on other people. It seems way too easy to burnout in a life of following God and helping people.

But I think with God we have the ultimate pillar to lean on. God is an endless stream of living water to refresh us. When we lack discipline, God can help us. When we lack energy, God can help us. When we lack courage, still God can help us. And that’s why Christianity is still relevant to me.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com