Dan Riggins is my friend from Kenyon College. He was my most important collaborator in my undergrad E. coli lab, one of my training partners during my last cross country season, and of course, a key drinking buddy. Here are some of his thoughts on planning and adventuring...
Running up Wayne Hill in Traverse City, MI is perhaps the most pure and regular form of personal sadism I have accomplished in my life. This particular hill exists solely just to fuck with runners' minds. Well that and it has one of the best views in town, but I'll get to that. According to google maps, it's only about 0.64 miles from bottom to top, but this is one of those hills where you truly feel like you might accidentally fall backwards and never stop falling, like from the side of cliff. This fucker is steep. And once you get to the top, you're one and only option is to complete a loop that takes you right back down to where you started from. That is to say, in running this hill, you ultimately accomplish nothing.
And yet my last year of summer training for high school cross-country, my teammate Geoff and I made it a point to run this thing at least two or three times a week. I'm not sure why, I don't remember if we ever talked about it. We would just do it at the beginning of most of our distance days. It was less than a mile from where we met each morning so we'd huff and puff up to the top, take a breather and enjoy the view, plan where we'd go next, then head out on our way. I really should stress that the view from on top is spectacular. We could see almost anywhere that we could possibly go for the rest of our run.
In any case, one morning, a training companion of ours decided to shake things up a little. After we had rested for a bit, he suddenly hopped that barrier thing that keeps cars from running off the road, and ran straight down this ravine into undergrowth that encircled the neighborhood. Laughing, but a little dumbfounded, we chased him down, down, and down, at ridiculous speeds into the forest. After the euphoria of running fast had subsided, we realized we had no real idea of where we were or where the nearest road was. Unfortunately, we decided that the only thing stupider than blindly running on into the woods was climbing back up the side of the hill. We crashed around for maybe ten to fifteen minutes and finally ended up somewhere on M-72 which we followed back into Traverse City.
It ended up being a great time. Someone could have twisted an ankle, we could have gotten lost, an angry resident could have called our Athletic Director regarding trespassing. All of these scenarios had happened before, but in this instance everything just worked out. We laughed about our adventure for the rest of the week. For example, in the midst of our exploring we came upon a random Christmas tree farm we never knew existed. I dunno, maybe you just had to be there.
But my point here is that sometimes, every once in a while, taking a risk and doing something spontaneous has its rewards. I don't want to discount the importance of working hard and planning things out. But sometimes you got to lighten up and try something new. Geoff and I loved to consider where we would run for our routes. We agonized over what way we should go and when, yet despite all this, we were decidedly bored with all of our routes within two or three weeks of training. That impromptu adventure was just what we needed.I have another example. I think Ken and my high school coach Dan Zemper would get along great. Like Ken, Zemp is a thoughtful, caring, and passionate guy. He's also the King of Shooting Shit (as Ken might put it). In any case, he retired last spring so he could devote more time to his athletic therapy home business. I got a chance to see him this winter at a Alumni reunion gathering, and while I could see that he was still the same guy I know and love there was this profound loneliness in his eyes that I had never noticed before. It's probably only partially due to retirement; he's dealt with some pretty harsh circumstances for the past few years, but whatever the cause, it made me sad.
This morning I got an email from him saying he's going to Ethiopia. Apparently at the very last minute he decided to travel as an athletic therapist with this group of runners who are trekking across the country in support of an effort to build three new schools for children there. These runners will complete 400 kilometers over the course of twelve days. Doubtless, they will be in sore need of the the kind of therapeutic services Zemper can provide. Sure he could catch some weird African disease or run into trouble with the locals. I can only imagine the financial sacrifice he will be making while away from his business. But the bottom line is that by making a spontaneous choice, my coach has the chance to feel young again, to have an adventure, and to make a tangible positive difference for some African children. He might even stave off his loneliness.I personally have always been a planner. If you ask for my outlook on life, you'll find that my opinion of experiences in the past and present is almost always a little disappointed or even embarrassed. Yet my feelings about the future are usually optimistic. For some reason, I think that if I can just lay out everything in just the right arrangement, I'll finally attain the elusive happiness I crave.
Perhaps I'm wrong though. (I often am). There are so many things to constantly consider. I want to go to med school, I want to be a successful doctor, I want to have freedom to pursue creative hobbies, I want to stay close with my girlfriend after graduation, I want to live the Pacific Northwest, I want, I want, I want. Pretty soon all these considerations become bonefied worries.
Maybe rather than planning my life, it's time to start living it.It takes a lot of psyching up for me to abandon my figurative agenda in the sky, but maybe with just the right amount of informed instincts, it's worth it to occasionally make things up on the fly.
What do you think?
Feel free to comment here or shoot me a message at rigginsda@gmail.com.
photo by Kim Cronin
Currently at church we’re doing something called advent conspiracy, where the idea is to give one less Christmas gift and instead donate that money to an international cause. Our church is getting at this point through creativity and art. My girlfriend painted something to contribute to this project, and so I shared an interpretation of her painting. We were supposed to discuss bible verses, Matthew 25:31 – 46, which to summarize: the blessed are those that help people.
Ok, now, this is what I shared (paraphrased and revised): I think in these verses, Matthew is getting at the core of social justice, and what it means to follow God. Simply put, helping those in need of help. So I wanted to start with something I heard the other day when I was at Danna and Katie’s bible study studying James 2.
James writes, “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?” We talked a lot about how people should show what they believe through their actions. If Christians believe in God they should let their actions speak for themselves and love everyone, regardless of the social implications.
But interestingly, James only touches on faith with no action. He has nothing to say about action with no faith.
This lead me to the obvious question: If action is faith, then what is the point of Christianity? Should we all just stop coming to church and worship activist gods like Martin Luther King and Gandhi? Does this make Jesus irrelevant?
So for a while I kept thinking about this and I think my answer to that question is why I need God.
Christianity is relevant because helping other people is really, really, hard.
Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with people. I couldn’t live without people, and I am constantly blown away at how good people are to me. But at the same time, they ruin my plans, they cut into my time, and they just generally bring chaos into my life.
Because I hate people, helping people is hard. It’s easy to take on too much, it’s exhausting, and it constantly challenges you. Really, it’s just a pain to focus on other people. It seems way too easy to burnout in a life of following God and helping people.
But I think with God we have the ultimate pillar to lean on. God is an endless stream of living water to refresh us. When we lack discipline, God can help us. When we lack energy, God can help us. When we lack courage, still God can help us. And that’s why Christianity is still relevant to me.
from ken
Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
I was sitting at church, zoning in and out, as I tend to in the mornings. One head bob jolted me back like a slap in the face, and they were talking about 90x prayer, an activity in which you pray 13 minutes a day to develop the discipline of prayer. 13 minutes broken up over the course of the day doesn’t seem that overwhelming or even that significant. But when you look at it over the course of a week, it quickly adds up to 90 minutes. It got me thinking, man that’d be great to be like Martin Luther King Jr. who was once asked, “I heard you pray three times a day, but what do you do those days when you’re so busy?” To this, King replied, “Those days, I pray five times.”On an unrelated note, one of my coworkers, Carl, a new dad, was telling me about his parenting struggles. He’s an incredibly hard worker, and he spends most of his time slaving away in the lab. Unfortunately, this means that there isn’t much time left to spend with his daughter. His daughter, Anna, spends most of his time with her mom, and she breaks out in a crying fit whenever her mom leaves the room, even when Carl is there. I’ve hardened myself to deal with failure, but I don’t know if I could swallow rejection like that.Another one of our labmates, a veteran mom, interjected, ”Oh it’s just a phase, you just need to snap her out of it. Just go home everyday around four o clock for a couple hours and spend time with your daughter, then when she goes to sleep come back and work some more. It’ll take a while, but soon enough she’ll love you.”The 90x prayer and fatherhood struggles reminded me of Amulya’s post on small change. It’s easy to make one or two glamorous decisions every once in a while. That doesn’t take that much work. But how come small change is so much more important to your true character?
I wrote about this thought a while back but it seems important so I’ll rehash it, “There is no such thing as a courageous person, only acts of courage.”
If you pray once, it’s a nice heart-warming experience. If you pray every once in a while, other people will probably think you’re spiritual. But if you pray everyday, you become a person who prays. You are conscious of your surroundings, you are someone who cares about people around you, you are humble enough to ask for help. Prayer becomes a part of your identity.
There are no innately great dads. There are only dads that greet the sun every morning and sacrifice their own free time and well being to spend time with their kids to slowly but surely develop relationship. And as I sat in the coffee shop drinking my decaf Americano, I got to thinking… It’s hard work to pray everyday! Do my ideas have any idea how busy my schedule is? I just don’t have the time for it. I’ll make some other form of small change. But maybe that’s why small change is so important. Because it gets right up in our face to challenge us, everyday. If you made a couple big decisions in your life, like you moved to a brand new city. You might just be someone that other people think is a risk-taker, because other people will see you through the big stories in your life. But if you take small risks everyday, risk losing control of your schedule to a discipline you might be trying to develop, or risk losing sleep for the sake of an important relationship, then, maybe, with time, those small decisions become ingrained in our habits, and become a part of our character. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by Enid Yu
This past spring I organized an event at Kenyon College called Social Justice Week. The week ended with an event in which several campus activists answered the question, what is social justice? I didn’t have an answer then, and I don’t have an answer now. However, I heard that a maturing painter has to paint and paint, and then every once in a while, take some white paint, and cover his whole canvas to start over. Each time he figures out the artist that he isn’t, he gets closer to the artist he is.I see these next few years of my life as crucial, I feel like my vision is slowly revealing itself, stroke by stroke. A few years ago I came across a book called Everything Must Change. The contents of the book were mediocre, or at least, I feel that way because I can never remember anything from books, but the title has stuck with me. I believe in innovation, and being a radical, and that everything must change. Martin Luther King Jr. said,“After you lift so many people out of the ditch you start to ask, maybe the whole road to Jericho needs to be repaved.”
I learned much through my work with social justice at Kenyon College. I did a lot of flag-waving and getting in people’s faces about poor people that needed our help. It was a lot of pointing out that people should care about something, without any real reason why. Kind of run of the mill social justice work. This sort of guilt trip can work for the short-term. I was able to raise a ton of attention for Haiti and a lot of money to send down there. I learned that people will gladly pay to rid themselves of their guilt. I know I’m stealing this idea from some book, but I can’t remember who I’m stealing it from. The problem with guilt is that when that bill is paid off, whether by a literal check or a couple nice gestures, people can clear their conscience and move on. I know this because after spending so much effort raising money for Haiti and being given a Humanitarian Award for my work, I couldn’t care less about the people of Haiti.This protest method of achieving social justice has carried the tide of social justice to where it is today, and for that I praise it. However, I just don’t know that it is my answer. I see myself as the painter who finally built up the courage to pick up the white paintbrush. With that white canvas, I want to find another way. A way from which I can’t just clear my conscience. A way that makes me care.So what is my answer to, “What is social justice?” I’ve heard this sort of lingo in activism culture, that the word “radical” and the word “radish” come from the same latin word meaning “root”. And so, a radical, like a radish, must always be concerned with its roots. To fight any issues of social justice, HIV epidemic in the Ukraine, gender inequality in the church, lack of strong education in predominantly non-white neighborhoods, I believe it always has to come back to the root causes of inequalities. So what is the root of the problem, at the most basic microscaled level? I’m not willing to think outside of myself. I’m not willing to sacrifice my own well-being for the community.
To change, like a radish, I want to operate from the underground. A subversive, much slower form of progress, but also hopefully, a real form of progress. I want to throw myself into a community, and learn its struggles, to really understand the human condition, and through that understanding figure out what I can do to help.
So, what do I envision as my painting of social justice? I guess I see it as trying my hardest to slowly let go of the luxuries in my life and making friends everywhere I go, but also being intentional about seeking out the right friendships.
I want to end with a Cesar Chavez quote that I love. It was taught to me by an activist I admire greatly, “It was never about the grapes or the lettuce, it was always about the people.” Any social justice movement always has to be rooted in the people, and I think right now I am trying to develop my roots.
from ken
Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by Wesley Oostvogels
The last few weeks, I feel like I’ve been crazy busy. Fortunately, all with awesome things, but busy nonetheless. When I was feeling like I was pushing on burnout, I started worrying, and fortunately again, three ideas popped into my life.The first was this inspiring poem written by one of my friends:Sweat burns my eyes
It is hot and I am tired
For days now (or has it been years?)
I have been climbing
And climbing
And climbing
There is no end in sight
Yet I must go on
I must keep climbing
For if I stop
I might become rooted
I loved this poem for several reasons. The simplicity, for one, and also the idea that sometimes you just have to lose track of time and not worry about how long you’ve been climbing. I definitely have a tendency to think, oh I haven’t taken a break in x days, I must need a break!But what I loved most about the poem was the last word, “rooted.” I love the shortness of poetry, it allows every word to hold SO much meaning, and that one word, rooted, just really connected with me. I always want to be making progress, improving myself, and avoid getting stale or rooted. One of my biggest fears is that feeling of being stuck. Time is precious!The second was a Filipino phrase my friend told me about, “isang bagsak” which translates to something like “one down.” A quick google search showed that it has multiple vaguely similar interpretations, but I think the basic idea is to exclaim this phrase, along with a clap, at the end of a group meeting to establish a sense of solidarity and progress. On my run this morning, my running partner was mentioning that he’s starting to get in shape, and we talked about how awesome it is to feel your fitness improving. It’s always an incredible feeling to be making progress, whether in physical fitness or as a group fighting for a beautiful cause, no matter how seemingly small the progress may be. And this reminded me, I am making progress! I’m getting better at working with my cells, making good friends, having amazing volunteer jobs, and just generally spending my days doing things I want to be doing. And of course, good things always come in three's, so I was expecting a third inspirational sign, and it turned out to be a Buddhist saying. “Act always as if the future of the universe depended on what you did, while laughing at yourself for thinking that whatever you do makes any difference.”
So the first two things, my friend’s poem and “isang bagsak,” helped me realize that I don’t want to get rooted and that I am making real progress, even if it seems more penguin-paced than hummingbird-paced. The third, the Buddhist saying, just made me remember to laugh at myself for taking myself so seriously and getting so stressed out, and enjoy the fact that I’m actually making progress in the direction I want to go in. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by Tambako the Jaguar
I came across an interesting insight from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Every city has a word. For example, New York’s is achieve and Rome’s is sex. Similarly, every person has a word. This got me thinking, what’s Portland’s word, and naturally, what’s my word? I’ll put the Portland question aside for now, since I’m still basically an extended-stay tourist, and focus on my word. I’ve heard that you should be able to sum up your current state in life to a few sentences. If that’s true, it’d be way easier just to be able to explain your life in a word, right? I like this idea because you really have to be true to yourself to funnel down everything you believe into one solitary word. But anyways, I decided that my word is: sacrifice. I don’t exactly know why I am sacrificing, I tell myself it’s for society. I don’t know if it’s a good thing, I like to think it is. I don’t even really know what I am sacrificing. But the way that word came to me, I know that sacrifice is my word. I’ve always had an uncomfortable taste for suffering. Mostly, I think I developed this taste through running. I think the most memorable period of my life is the summer I spent in Wyoming. I loved the friends I made there, climbing Middle Teton, working at the restaurant, but most of all I will never forget the absolutely heart-wrenching running I did there. Running twice a day, day after day, running more miles in a week than I ever believed possible. I ran over a thousand miles that summer. It sounds strange, but I think everybody should experience that sort of suffering. Not necessarily through running, but somehow. Maybe to understand what real suffering is like. Maybe because there is immense beauty in human struggle. Maybe because I am too proud to accept limits. It is absolutely scary how accurate John L. Parker’s Once A Runner, a novel about the trials of an olympian in training, portrays this sort of beauty in suffering. You should definitely read it. I assume this sort of constant suffering can’t be healthy, and I am starting to learn to cut myself some slack, for the better, hopefully. I think one of the reasons I came out to Portland was because I thought I needed to relax a little bit, have some fun, and enjoy myself more. On a sidenote, I think Portland’s word is something like chill, or fun, or happy. I started taking up new hobbies, forcing myself to get more sleep, etc. etc. And I probably should do some more of that. But another one of the reasons I came out to Portland was to learn to be true to myself. And one of the things I sincerely believe about my life is that I want to learn how to play with that border between pushing the edge and falling over to burnout. A Vince Lombardi quote: “In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail.”
When I burnout, or die, or both, some combination of which will probably happen to me, I just want to know that I tried. And maybe suffering is my way of knowing. Suffering drives me, to be able to push further and sacrifice myself more for the world that has given me so many amazing chances. And I guess that’s how I know my word is my word. So anyways, that’s my word. What’s your’s? from ken Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.comphoto by Paulo Brandao
Two stories about appreciation: Last Sunday I went up to the lab for a bit. My lab is part of a hospital complex that is high up on a hill, so I bike to the bottom of the hill and take an aerial tram up.
Usually when I make this trip, I’m surrounded by other employees that are busy chatting with each other, checking their email, and generally being unresponsive. Since it was Sunday, the tram was instead filled with tourist types and other out of towners. They were all clamoring over the view, blown away by the birds eye view of Portland. Now, I’m sure there are at least a couple people on my daily tram commute that gaze out on an early morning Portland and really take it in. But still, the Sunday crew’s enthusiasm just reminded of how easy it is to become dull to our surroundings, and take amazing things for granted. A church I went to a couple years ago told this story about a teenage baseball star and his father. The star grew up idolizing his father’s professional baseball playing days and had worked hard to follow in his footsteps. He recently received a scholarship to play at a division I college and was a local hero. At one of his last home games, his father was interviewed by the local TV station and asked, “You must be so proud of your son, right?” To this he replied, “Yes, of course! He’s worked real hard, and has made me proud.” “Have you told your son that?” “Nah, I wouldn’t want it to go to his head.” Of course, maybe the father really had his son’s best interest in mind, but since this is a story, I’m going to interpret it how I want. I think the father avoided telling his son this because he was too proud to open himself up and let his son know how proud he was.
It’s so easy to forget about the people around you. The friends that I appreciate the most, the one's I saw most frequently, were the one's I would forget about the most.
At the same time, it’s hard these days, in fact it’s probably always been hard, for two non-romantic friends to talk about how much they appreciate each other. I can understand, the times I’ve done this it’s felt really hard to put that first foot forward, and still kind of awkward after I got that first foot in there. But also, every time I have put in that effort, it’s felt really great to just acknowledge our friendship. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.comphoto by Per Ola Wiberg ~ Powi
When you look around, at you friends, your co-workers, your family, your neighbours, how do you size up? Not in the sense of, how much do you make, who lives in a nicer neighbourhood, or who can run faster, but does anyone’s life make you think, I wish I was living their life? I turn to the radical Malcolm X for his sharp insight:“Anytime you find someone more successful than you are, especially when you’re both engaged in the same business – you know they’re doing something you’re not.”I try to apply this thought to the “business” of life. If there’s any life out there that really makes you think, man their life is so much better than mine, then they’re probably doing something you’re not. When I realize that someone else’s life is better than mine, it’s easy for me to victimize myself, I tell myself they’re just better than I am: those guys have a sweet job because they’re smarter than me, that girl’s too cool for me, that guy was born to write. The good news is, there’s an easy solution. Whatever you like in their life, you can just go out and get it. Of course, it’s easier said than done, a lot of patience is needed, and you’ll need to find the right people to help you. But still, the bottom line is the same, if you want a better life you can go out and get it. I had a track coach in college who always preached never putting any other runner up on a pedestal. He was adamant that you could beat anyone you wanted if you were willing to fight, but the moment you convinced yourself that someone else was out of your league, it was game over. I think there’s something wise to that. The news anchor Keith Olbermann had a similar thought:“The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you, you’re not enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job, ask anyone out, pursue any goal. Don’t take it personally when they say no – they may not be smart enough to say yes.”When we put other people on a pedestal I think we sell ourselves short. As long as you are bring true to yourself, you are great as who you are!I think ultimately, one of the ideals of life is to be living in such a way that you wouldn’t want to be living anybody else’s life. That’s part being satisfied with yourself, but also part going out and getting what you want. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by kevindooley
Surprise! Nothing is a big deal! I have a lot of trouble believing this, but I think I would like to. The other night, I didn’t have anything plans or obligations, so as I was heading out from work I was planning on going to the coffee shop for what my friend calls “only child time.” My last couple days had been fairly busy so I was really looking forward to having such a big chunk of time to do nothing. When I got home, much to my displeasure, some of my lights weren’t working. First, I decided to yell at my lights, and when they still didn’t work I messed with them until I figured out how to get the light bulbs out. Then, I walked all the way to the store (a couple minutes away by foot), and walked all the way back to put in my new light bulbs. Throughout this whole process I was getting all worked up because I had made this grand plan of spending hours relaxing at the coffee shop and my life wasn’t working out like I had planned. But eventually, as I got the whole ordeal sorted out, I realized, the whole thing had taken me a mere half an hour. I still had at least a solid two hours to spend at the coffee shop. I had a roommate in college that would always say, if it happens that’ll be fine and if it doesn’t that’d be fine too. It sounds simple, but I think he had it right. Robert Frost had a similar insight that I really look up to:“I can summarize everything I’ve learned about life in three words. It goes on.”Obviously, I knew my life wasn’t going to end over a couple of defunct light bulbs, but it sure felt like it. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and believe that whatever is currently ruining your life is the biggest deal in the world. But it seems like life always has a way of ending up alright if we can just have the courage to wait it out. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by pasotraspaso
A quote from The Usual Suspects:“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”
I am terrible at accepting criticism. It always makes me uncomfortable to see someone disappointed with me, probably because I like to see myself as flawless. I usually prefer to wade in the risk-free zone where I know I won’t make any mistakes. But I know it’s inevitable for other people to disagree with me if I want to carve out my own path to life, so I figured I should start getting used to being criticized and people being unhappy with me. I took on my reluctance to accept criticism head on as I was sitting in a disability training session. The discussion was supposed to teach us to how to interact with people with disabilities. Even though I consider myself to be a somewhat compassionate human being, I pretty much have zero experience with people with disabilities, so I figured this would be a good learning experience in caring for others. Knowing this would be a good opportunity to face my judgment of people who are different from me, I watched a video of how not to interact with people with disabilities, and I saw myself in those videos. Being patronizing, and convincing myself I was being polite, but really I was seeing people with disabilities as less than human. Coincidentally, I also started to notice how annoying the woman leading the discussion was. She was also ugly, she had bad breath, and in all likelihood she was the devil. Of course, this made me realize how quickly I get defensive even when someone is indirectly criticizing me. When somebody is revealing a side of you that you don’t want to see, it’s easy to respond by just jumping on their back. Way easier to judge someone else than yourself, I suppose. I think it’s necessary to allow yourself to be criticized, and expose yourself to that sort of brutally painful honesty. Without it, I would’ve just gone on judging people different than me as less than me. I will still do this, of course, but if I can get out of the denial zone where I convince myself that I am perfect, I can at least try to change. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by clagnut
The other day, I was having a serious day of self-doubt. I was stuck in my head, feeling like I wasn’t connecting with people, wasn’t actually doing anything I loved, that the sidenotes I was following weren’t panning out, and generally feeling overwhelmed about everything. I imagine it was partly due to being tired, partly due to caffeine, and partly due to just having a bad day.Regardless, at one point I remembered this quote, “There is no love, only acts of love.” Love, of course, is a whole different topic, but the point still applies. The quote reminded me that there is no such thing as a brave person, only brave acts. It’s hard to push through failure by putting yourself in a position for more failure, but that reminder gave me the motivation to get out my head and try to fight through. I figured the best way to get out of your head is just to take action, so I went to a yoga class at the gym. I’ve always been intrigued with the idea of yoga, especially for its intersection between physical exercise, mental well-being, and spiritual growth, but I always felt like it didn’t really fit my schedule, wasn’t the right time, or whatever. I ended up really enjoying the class and having a conversation with the instructor about how yoga starts by opening up your hips and legs, but it leads to an opening of your mind and soul. Cheesy new age spiritualism? Maybe, but I left slightly more convinced that this was a sidenote that I wanted to pursue further.It’s hard to build up the courage to push through loads of self-doubt, it’s much easier for me to just give myself a break, go home, do nothing, and feel sorry for myself. It’s easy for me to make excuses like, maybe I’m not cut out for an uncomfortable life of change, I should leave that to the bold people. The bottom line is, though, there is no such thing as a bold person, some people just keep moving through the fear and do cool things.from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
So I was biking out of work after a late day, and just as I was getting moving, BAM, I fell again, on some train tracks. (see second post). It was about as harmless of a fall as possible, and I probably could have stayed on my feet had I been more aware. I think all I got was a small scrape on my knee. Regardless, I fell and I felt stupid. I mean, I made this exact same mistake just a few weeks ago, and acknowledged that it was an important learning experience. Did I really just make that same mistake?As I was recomposing myself from being mildly embarrassed, and making sure my bike was ok, some lady on her bike pulled up next to me and asked me if I was ok. She went on to explain how the exact same thing happened to her the other day, and that she saw people fall at that same spot all the time. Obviously, I knew I wasn’t the first person to fall at that spot, but it was a huge relief to hear someone else tell me that. I’m pretty self-centered, and I get caught up in my own struggles all the time. It’s easy to forget other people make mistakes, especially when you’re in a new situation and you feel like you’re screwing up all the time. I think there’s a quote that says something like, “The most comforting words in the world are, me too.” That’s a big part of why I wanted to start this blog, to remind people that other people are out there taking risks and falling on their bikes. Maybe it will encourage you to take a risk, or at least feel some comfort when you fall.from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
One of my first semi-major sidenotes came up the other day. I was asked to lead a home community, or small group, with my church this fall. This chance to lead home communities pretty cleanly fits two of my major goals. 1- Become more involved with my church2- Lead through serving othersI should be super excited, which I am. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel nervous. I mean, I don’t even know what I would talk about! What if people come to my small group but don’t get anything out of it? Or what if people don’t come? That would be sad. It’s kind of the, be careful what you wish for because you just might get it! There was a quote I really liked from Sherman Alexie’s The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, something like:
“Scared means you want to leave, nervous means you want to play.”
I am nervous about this opportunity, and I think being nervous is great because it means you care. A lot of times hopes and dreams seem awesome as hopes and dreams, but I find that when they actually fall into your lap they’re really a lot more of a pain than you expected. Living the dream is a lot harder than it seems. It makes you nervous, second-guess yourself, pile on more work to your schedule, and so on. Thomas Edison had this fitting quote:“Most people don’t recognize opportunity when it comes, because it’s usually dressed in overalls and looks a lot like work.”
I’ve noticed people idealizing following your dream into the idea of a zero hour work week. I think the zero hour work week is when you’re following your dream it always feels like play, so you really aren’t working at all. I guess I would tend to disagree with that. A lot of times, following your dreams is to love what you’re doing and enjoy every moment, but there are also moments when you have to suck it up and fight through some rough patches. It’s a balance between aligning your actions with your goals while enjoying the moment. I hope this home community experience helps me get involved with the church, and/or learn to lead. If not, maybe it will be fun, and I’d be happy with that. I guess I’m here for the sidenotes, so we’ll see how it goes.from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
“Courage does not always roar, sometimes, courage is the quiet voice at the end of the night whispering, I will try again tomorrow.”
I saw this quote on a card while I was standing in line at Powell’s, a bookstore. Since then, it has really been reassuring to me, and it’s definitely helped me keep my head up. I agree with the quote. Courage is not always about that warrior mentality of tackling problems head on. It’s easy for me to beat myself up for making mistakes and get stuck dwelling too much in the past. I think though, it really takes courage to forgive yourself for a mistake, while maintaining the resolve to try to fix it tomorrow. That commitment to try to fix it tomorrow has been the most helpful part of this quote for me. Throwing myself into as much as possible here in Portland, and trying to infuse my days with as much life as possible has come with lots of failures. I think the most common mistake I make is when I felt like I should have reached out to someone to try and create a relationship, but I didn’t. I’m quiet and shy, so building relationships is a constant exciting challenge. Per day, there are countless missed opportunities when I should’ve made conversation but didn’t. But I’ve been trying to tell myself, I will try again tomorrow.When that next opportunity comes up for me to connect with someone, I am instantly reminded that I resolved to try again tomorrow, and tomorrow is in front of me! That reminder has been a powerful way to make myself reach out more, and just to try.from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
Dan Riggins is my friend from Kenyon College. He was my most important collaborator in my undergrad E. coli lab, one of my training partners during my last cross country season, and of course, a key drinking buddy. Here are some of his thoughts on planning and adventuring...
