"I'm gonna soak up the sun" - Sheryl Crow

Like much of the country, we’re in a cold spell, but it’s worse in Portland, I swear. Not just because I live here. What? It snowed in Michigan?

Anyways, I’ve spent the last couple months hating Portland’s constant and mind-numbing rain. I bike commute, and it’s been getting real old, real fast. Couple that with getting out of shape over the rainy season, and it’s been a dreary couple of months.

Sidenote: some optimistic people will tell me, “Living in the rain for six months will make you appreciate the sun WAY more!” Whenever I hear that, my first thought is, “Fuck that. I’m moving to San Diego and living on the beach like Jack Johnson. I’ll learn to play the guitar and surf all day.”

This of course, would never happen. My head would explode if I spent more than two weeks doing something “not productive.”

All that to say, today was probably the first real summer-like day we’ve had since we’ve been here, and it was amazing. It felt like I was in a whole different world. A part of it was definitely being cured of the seasonal depression, but I loved the energy of Portlanders as the season turns to summer. The contagious good mood was like herpes on a small secluded college campus. Or wildfire. Let’s stick with wildfire.

Pretty much everything that could have been good about the day was even better. A cancelled AM meeting left me time to take a peaceful morning bike ride through town and read by the sunlight. I rocked my dog shorts and flip-flops all day. I had a great morning at church catching up with some friends. Then, I went for a picnic with some friends, played some ultimate frisbee and bocce ball. It will be unmentioned that I went 0-4 in the games. Er. And now, I get a few hours to myself to soak in the awesome weekend.

Thinking back to my post last week on intentionally taking rest, I guess the most crucial part of the Sabbath is something I neglected to touch on. I had myself convinced that rest is a solitary thing. I needed to remove myself from the world of people, plug in the headphones and hit the 24 hour fitness, then sit and write by myself.

But as they say in the hilarious Hugh Grant flick, About a Boy, no man is an island.

One of the striking qualities of post-college life is definitely the loneliness. Taking out a year lease on a studio was maybe not good for my sanity. It’s definitely taught me important things, and given me plenty of time to think about the crap that goes into this blog, but it’s also been lonely. I think after a year of it, I’m definitely ready to find a house to live in, and add some roommates.

I guess, for whatever reason, relationships have to be a part of rest. Maybe it takes experiencing the sun with some friends to fully appreciate it. Maybe it’s like the final secret of Into the Wild:

“Happiness is only real, when shared.”

from ken

Are you thinking about something? Write about it and post it here! Email me! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

And on the seventh day...

“But when you leave, we will still be here. And if we do not drink tea, we cannot make it to tomorrow.”

- Veteran missionaries, to bright-eyed young missionaries

I just finished reading a book called, Rest: Living in Sabbath Simplicity by Keri Wyatt Kent. It’s a book that runs counter to the go-go-go world that society forces down our throat. It approaches the idea of the Sabbath from several different angles, and highlights the general importance of rest. Overall, moderately readable book, super important message.

I know I’m guilty of worshiping the productivity gods. In college I ran cross country, and took classic pre-med classes like biochemistry and physics. Basically, I was surrounded with overachievers of all kinds, and I thought I worked hard, but I was always blown away by the level of commitment displayed by my peers.

Being surrounded by such an overachieving atmosphere, my competitive side drew me to want gold stars, and push myself more and more. I figured, people would like me more, only if I did more. This tendency caused me to burn out repeatedly, and then go into a vegetable-like coma for days, inefficiently trying to recover.

At the same time, I also noticed that my peers had a frantic aura of not having enough time. I felt like I couldn’t ask them to help me with a problem set, cover one of my shifts at work, or even just chat about my problems. Seeing how inaccessible this made them, I promised myself not to carry that same aura.

So anyways, this desire to be accessible has intrigued me with the idea of Sabbath. Rest raised the important point that Sabbath is not just about rest and veging out, ie - sitting mindlessly in front of the TV for hours on end or sleeping through half the day.

Instead, it’s about separating ourselves from our self-importance, appreciating the people around us, and replenishing ourselves with the energy we need to face the week. I love this concept of intentional recovery, not only so I don’t have to deal with the stress of burnout, but also just so I can be accessible, and generally a nice person.

I think this sort of rest has to include a general mentality of rest, in addition to a set of behaviors.

As far as the mentality goes, it has to be an ongoing - every day and every moment - type of mentality focusing on rest. Simply being appreciative of those few moments in the middle of a busy day that I can take to read the sports section of the paper, or take an extra minute to breathe before I rush out of the shower. I kind of imagine stress being a cumulative thing, where I try not to let it get past a tipping point, so those small moments of reducing my stress level is a huge help.

The set of behaviors is a lot more complicated for me to figure out. As for a starting point, as much as it pains me not to “be productive” for a day, I think it has to start with taking a day off from work. Then, the focus has to move to those life-replenishing things. For me, I need enough alone time to blow off some steam by working out, but also time to reflect on my week by writing, like now.

Anyways, hopefully focusing on rest will help me make it to tomorrow.

from ken

Are you thinking about something? Write about it and post it here! Email me! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Room to breathe, or, how not to throw a spear through your boss’s face

I recently started reading a guide to meditation, Meditation: Simple Steps for Health and Well-Being by Andrea McCloud. It provides a more practical approach than becoming a monk. Of course, there are benefits to putting a lot of work in the practice of meditation, etc., but there has to be something to be said for accessibility. For myself, I would be happy putting in 30% effort into meditation to get 70% results back.

Anyways, I do really like the perspective this guide offers to meditation. Here’s the definition it starts off with:

“Meditation is a fancy word for paying attention – paying attention to yourself and paying attention to your world. Any time you are focused on one thing or you are absorbed in a specific activity – be it painting or running or eating – you are meditating.”

I feel like the core concept is the practice of bringing yourself back to yourself. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and caught up in the moment. Just imagine, you’re sitting at your desk at work, doing your own thing. Then suddenly someone catches you off kilter and nails you with a, “LOOK AT THIS TERRIBLE THING, THIS IS YOUR FAULT!” The stress-inducing HPA-axis of the brain lights up, and the stress hormone cortisol flow through your veins. Your pupils dilate, your heart rate increases, you even think defensively and aggressively.

I heard somewhere that the first ten seconds of an anger response is beyond your control. The hormone instinctively gets released as a shock to the yelling and you can’t help but be defensive. But after those ten seconds, if you can realize you’re misbehaving and bring yourself down from your cortisol high, you can stop, or at least blunt the overreaction.

This of course, is where I think meditation can be handy. Going back to the definition of meditation, “Meditation is a fancy word for paying attention.”

In those times when you want to react violently or negatively, you have to bring the attention back to what’s going on. Is this really a big deal?

Evolutionary biologists hypothesize that the HPA axis existed for a “fight-or-flight” response when a hunter encountered a potential prey or predator. The hunter’s stress axis would turn on, and the hunter could make a quick aggressive decision, to flee or to fight. Either way, the increased heart rate, blood flow, and pupil dilation all contribute to the instinct. These days, of course, our stressors are different. When our bosses criticize us, it’s not really appropriate to throw a spear through their face. And realistically, they are probably just trying to help us do our job.

Anyways, I’ve been trying to practice the first chapter of the meditation book. It’s pretty simple, and probably how every single book on meditation starts, but it’s called “Room to Breathe.” It suggests responding to stress by focusing on your breath, and shifting the emphasis off of whatever brought on the stress. It’s definitely helped me keep my emotions in check, and make sure that I can respond appropriately.

I won’t say using this strategy has been successful in eliminating stress, nor has it always prevented me from overreacting past that ten second free zone. That said, I think it’s been a step in the right direction. Now I feel like I’m at least being intentional about being patient. In the lifelong battle that is self-control, I’ll take it.

from ken

Are you thinking about something? Write about it and post it here! Email me! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

What do you do when you do nothing?

My friend at work and I were chatting on Friday about how it had felt like a long week. We talked about our plans for the weekend, and wanting to just do nothing. This prompted my friend to ask me what I did when I did nothing. It was obvious to ask that question but at the same time, I was caught a little bit off guard and didn’t really know what to say.

Those sorts of simple questions always seem to get at your most fundamental character. Who you are at your core, maybe.

So, let me define, “doing nothing.” Well, first let me define, “doing something.”

“Doing something” is your life calling. Maybe it’s empowering youth who never got the opportunities you did, maybe it’s communicating worldly truths through poetry, maybe it’s making the world aware of vicious racism. Whatever “doing something” is for you, it’s active, it takes effort, and when done right, it’s a real, real burden. Whatever you’re doing is definitely worthwhile, but at the same time it’s important to set personal boundaries so you can stay fresh for whenever you’re “doing something.”

A group of old ladies that run a missionary organization in India brings in fiery youth to help them on various service projects. Everyday at 3:00 PM sharp the ladies would drop whatever they were doing to drink tea and have biscuits. The youth would sometimes get upset, asking why they didn’t work through the daylight or save the precious money for the people of India rather than biscuits. The ladies would reply:

“When you leave, we will still be here, and we cannot make it tomorrow if we do not drink tea.”

I think that’s what “doing nothing” is about, it’s what you do to unwind from “doing something” and make sure you can stick it for the long haul. It’s something you enjoy, but something best enjoyed in small doses. It probably wouldn’t be fun to sit around and drink tea for ten hours a day. It’s something where you don’t feel like you’re working towards any sort of goal, but at the same time something that makes you feel completely fulfilled by just doing it.

I can imagine this sort of unwinding taking many different forms for different people. For my friend at work it’s just wearing her pajamas, lazing around on her couch with a good cup of tea and a novel. I’m not exactly sure what this is for me, but it’s some combination of being by myself, listening to good music, eating unhealthy snacks, drinking hot tea, reading something completely unrelated to my goals, and watching a heart-warming romantic comedy. Regardless of what it means to “do nothing,” it definitely seems like an important component of a well-balanced life.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

photo by ryantron

Why it's easy to get caught up in life

Surprise! Nothing is a big deal! I have a lot of trouble believing this, but I think I would like to.

The other night, I didn’t have anything plans or obligations, so as I was heading out from work I was planning on going to the coffee shop for what my friend calls “only child time.” My last couple days had been fairly busy so I was really looking forward to having such a big chunk of time to do nothing.

When I got home, much to my displeasure, some of my lights weren’t working. First, I decided to yell at my lights, and when they still didn’t work I messed with them until I figured out how to get the light bulbs out. Then, I walked all the way to the store (a couple minutes away by foot), and walked all the way back to put in my new light bulbs.

Throughout this whole process I was getting all worked up because I had made this grand plan of spending hours relaxing at the coffee shop and my life wasn’t working out like I had planned.

But eventually, as I got the whole ordeal sorted out, I realized, the whole thing had taken me a mere half an hour. I still had at least a solid two hours to spend at the coffee shop.

I had a roommate in college that would always say, if it happens that’ll be fine and if it doesn’t that’d be fine too. It sounds simple, but I think he had it right. Robert Frost had a similar insight that I really look up to:

“I can summarize everything I’ve learned about life in three words. It goes on.”

Obviously, I knew my life wasn’t going to end over a couple of defunct light bulbs, but it sure felt like it. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and believe that whatever is currently ruining your life is the biggest deal in the world. But it seems like life always has a way of ending up alright if we can just have the courage to wait it out.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

photo by pasotraspaso

Discouraged at slow progress?

Initially, after you commit to changing something in your life, it feels really empowering. When I first moved out to Portland a couple months ago, I was wired. Usually, I find that exciting feeling continues as you make the first steps, buying a new bike, joining a book club, quitting your day job, whatever.

But once you get past that point when you made that initial commitment, and when you get into the day to day of practicing that new hobby or working that new job, it can start to drag. Even if you’re following your heart and doing something you love, it’s a pain to get up before the sun rises to fit that run in, or pick up that guitar when you could just as easily vedge out and watch TV instead. At that stage, it’s pretty easy to get discouraged.

I kind of expect my life to be continuously going upwards and always getting better, and I’m often caught off guard when I look at my life and find myself moving backwards. But of course, that’s part of the journey! Remembering this quote has really helped me:

“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”
- Arundhati Roy

Sidenote: I think this quote is actually about social change, but my favorite thing about quotes is that they can really mean whatever you want them to! Anyways, when you're in the messy middle of changing something in your life, and having to deal with the steep learning curve of learning something brand new, it’s important to keep the faith and remember that change comes slowly, and not always linearly. When you’re getting discouraged, it’s always great to look at how far you’ve come, and also how close you’re getting to another world.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

photo by SergioTudela

stop for a minute

I am starting to see more and more that one of the points of life is to throw yourself into the community you’re in. So, one of my main day to day focuses has been to have better interaction with the people around me.

As I start to get busier and involved with more things, naturally I get more stressed and overwhelmed. When I’m stressed and overwhelmed, it’s a lot harder for me to deal with people, as I imagine it is for just about everyone. I read a smart quote that said, “It is easy to be heavy, hard to be light.” That quote has a lot of truth to it. It’s easy for me to just cut people out completely and go into a world of my own, not interacting with society at all.

So as a way to make sure I continue staying light, I’ve started to work out little tricks that help me stay happy and pleasant with others. I have two important ones. One is that I always try to make sure I am getting enough sleep. I don’t always want to get more sleep, I’d rather be reading, watching another episode of Scrubs, sitting around eating snacks, but I know that if I don’t get enough sleep, inevitably the next day around 2 or 3 I’ll hit that mid-afternoon tired and get snappy, short with people, and generally be no good at being with people.

The second trick is one I developed from my time with the Kenyon College Community Choir. Before every recital our conductor would remind us to take two deep breaths by putting two fingers up in front of him, so the entire choir could see but the audience couldn’t. For me, the gesture was kind of a reminder to slow down, reorient myself in the moment, and remember why I’m here.

So sometimes when I’m feeling overwhelmed I’ll purposely slow down my walking and take in the moment a little more, or I’ll just stop entirely, put two fingers up, and take two deep breaths to regain composure and put myself back in the moment. When it works, it really reminds me that I might feel overwhelmed but I should be grateful for this opportunity because I really do want to throw myself into as much as possible.

Ironically, I lost a little bit of sleep writing this..

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

my super productive days

“Sometimes I sits and I thinks. And sometimes, I just sits.”
- Satchel Paige

Another problem with the ambitious/motivated mentality is that it leads to a super fast paced lifestyle. It’s great because you feel productive and you get a lot done. I remember having tons of days when I ran from a class where I didn’t learn anything, to lab where I zoned out, to a meeting where I half paid attention, to practice where the highlight was showering with a bunch of other guys, to doing homework while zoning out, and finally back to my apartment to pass out. At the end of those days I felt super productive.

I think there are a couple traps I really fell for with that sort of obsession over productivity. One is, I would be obsessing over the act of being productive over whatever it was I was actually doing. I really loved feeling productive, but what did it really get me? Really, nothing, and I was doing a great job of losing track of the moment. All those days kind of just blend into a blur of work.

The other trap is that I failed to have quiet time to myself. I didn’t have that time in my day to just sit and reflect. One of my favorite times, is when I can just sit around, know I have no responsibilities, and listen to music. It’s pains me to have time like this, even when I actually have the time in my schedule for it. I always feel like I need to be doing this and that to improve myself, get more sleep, hang out with a friend I haven’t seen in a while, or whatever it is. I’ve been trying to go out of my way to give myself more “unproductive” time like this, when I try to zone out. It’s definitely a balance, when I have too much unproductive time, it drives me way more crazy than the other way around. Still, I know it really helps me to notice other options in life when I have that time to slow down a little. One thing that’s been helping me out is avoiding the productivity god of multi-tasking, so I try not to read at meals or listen to music during my commute, as a way to give myself some built in quiet time.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? Tell me about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com