remix: notes outside the margin by a medical student seeking truth

I've decided to remix sidenote. Now it's, "notes outside the margin by a medical student seeking the truth." Part of what I originally wanted to establish through sidenote was a set of core themes for my life.  After sorting through all sorts of ideas for two years, I want to give sidenote a more distinct flavor.  I figure the main ideas I have to contribute will be as a married, early 20's, hippy-Christian, MD/PhD student, so for the time being I'm trying to focus sidenote on life during med school.  Anyways, the inagural post of sidenote v2.0 will be the updated "about" page.  Enjoy,

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"Humanity, which they loved as we did – was for them something complete that must be maintained and protected.  For us, humanity was a distant goal toward which all men were moving, whose image no one knew, whose laws were nowhere written down.”   - Max Demian

Sidenote is a concept originally invented in a summer email chain by Iyer, A* and Noguchi, K*, 2008. 

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Imagine you’re fourteen, puberty hormones are rushing through your veins, you’re stuck sitting in Sunday school, and all you can think about is sex.  The teacher is up there lecturing about Cain and Abel.  Abel was the good brother, Abel provided God with great offerings, Cain grew jealous, Cain murdered Abel, and in doing so he became the first human. 

You’re fourteen, so by now you’ve heard this story a million times, and you’re definitely zoning out.  Maybe your unconscious drifts off into that creative zone, and instead of writing in the margins, you start scribbling outside the margins, writing "Cain and Abel; The Remix". 

Behind closed doors, Abel had been threatening Cain and stealing his crops.  One day, Cain stood up for himself, fought back against his brother, and killed him.  Abel was everyone's homie, so everyone assumed Cain was the bad guy.  I’m not saying that’s the truth, but is it possible that there was more to it than the cut-and-dry story that everyone agrees on? 

Sidenote is about searching for the truth.  Sidenote believes that the truth is complex.  Sidenote believes you should listen to your heart.  What would the world look like if people took sidenotes seriously?

That is the sort of world Sidenote envisions.  It might be a better world, it might be a less productive world, it’s hard to say, but one thing is certain, it would be different.  At it’s core that’s all Sidenote envisions.  An alternative to the current reality.  

This blog chronicles my vain attempt to understand the truth.  I have chosen to discover the truth through marriage, medicine, relationships, Scrubs, Christianity, and basketball, so you'll mainly hear about those few topics.  They all have their ups and downs, but I believe they will eventually lead me to the truth.  At the very least, I'm hoping to become JD from Scrubs.

If you haven't had enough, read "about me!"

See you on the other side,

from ken

(*both authors contributed equally to this work)

Moved west, road narrows

Life in those years right after college, the most immediate thing I’ve noticed is: Shit. I can do whatever I want. My life road is wherever I want it to be.

Anyways, I was just drinking a beer, enjoying a contemplative moment listening to iTunes on shuffle, and “In the beginning” by K’naan came on. This was the song I titled my first post after. Hearing the song made me go back and read that post, which in turn reminded me of the goals I had in coming out to the west coast.

- love my life now
- and of course, pursue “sidenotes,” which I defined as those random interests you have in your life that you never take the time to pursue, to figure out the right roads for me

Thinking about these goals has made me realize something important about sidenotes.

“If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.”
- Rene Descartes

I came out here as a scientist to work in a cell biology lab, but when I hit a real struggle in my research, for a time, I thought I would throw it all away and pursue nursing or public health. Research can move so slow, and be so frustrating at times that I hate it. Some weeks, I randomly spent 50 60 hours in lab, with nothing to show at the end of it. I could have spent the week on my couch eating Lays and watching Glee and my week would have been equally as useful.

But when it comes down to it, I love the prospect of taking courses like “Eukaryotic Molecular Biology,” reading about cell signaling molecules like Akt and TfR2, and racking my brain to think of the necessary experiments to complete a publication. It’s a love/hate relationship, but realizing this made me set on applying for a research oriented grad program.

I also came out here as a college cross country and track athlete, which basically meant, I was a gym junkie. In college, several times a week I was at the KAC (Kenyon Athletic Center) twice a day. Not only because I wanted to be more fit, but because it just made me feel at peace to exercise.

But when I moved out to Portland, working out seemed like a boring hobby and didn’t really mesh with the alternative culture out here. After running a marathon, I ditched running cold turkey, cut off my gym membership and tried out several hobbies ranging from cycling, yoga, hiking, photography, playing the harmonica, drawing, baking, and none of them fit the bill.

About a month ago, I ended up rejoining a gym, and I’m currently in the process of taking up working out as a stress-relieving hobby. I don’t run, but I still love hitting the gym. There is nothing in my life that brings me more internal peace than a quick semi-intense 30 minute workout.

I guess at its essence, the concept of sidenotes is to try new things and figure out what you like, but more importantly what you don’t. By both considering a life in research, and a life away from it, I’ve basically figured out the next ten years of my life - hopefully training to be a physician-scientist. And by trying out a barrage of random hobbies, I’ve been drawn back to a hobby I’ve had all along that will hopefully keep me sane through those ten years - working out.

When I came out to the PDX, I was starving for that missing piece of the puzzle that would complete my life. But I guess really, pursuing those sidenotes has just brought me back to what I lived and loved in college, and the road narrowed, a little.

from ken

Are you thinking about something? Write about it and post it here! Email me! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Room to breathe, or, how not to throw a spear through your boss’s face

I recently started reading a guide to meditation, Meditation: Simple Steps for Health and Well-Being by Andrea McCloud. It provides a more practical approach than becoming a monk. Of course, there are benefits to putting a lot of work in the practice of meditation, etc., but there has to be something to be said for accessibility. For myself, I would be happy putting in 30% effort into meditation to get 70% results back.

Anyways, I do really like the perspective this guide offers to meditation. Here’s the definition it starts off with:

“Meditation is a fancy word for paying attention – paying attention to yourself and paying attention to your world. Any time you are focused on one thing or you are absorbed in a specific activity – be it painting or running or eating – you are meditating.”

I feel like the core concept is the practice of bringing yourself back to yourself. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and caught up in the moment. Just imagine, you’re sitting at your desk at work, doing your own thing. Then suddenly someone catches you off kilter and nails you with a, “LOOK AT THIS TERRIBLE THING, THIS IS YOUR FAULT!” The stress-inducing HPA-axis of the brain lights up, and the stress hormone cortisol flow through your veins. Your pupils dilate, your heart rate increases, you even think defensively and aggressively.

I heard somewhere that the first ten seconds of an anger response is beyond your control. The hormone instinctively gets released as a shock to the yelling and you can’t help but be defensive. But after those ten seconds, if you can realize you’re misbehaving and bring yourself down from your cortisol high, you can stop, or at least blunt the overreaction.

This of course, is where I think meditation can be handy. Going back to the definition of meditation, “Meditation is a fancy word for paying attention.”

In those times when you want to react violently or negatively, you have to bring the attention back to what’s going on. Is this really a big deal?

Evolutionary biologists hypothesize that the HPA axis existed for a “fight-or-flight” response when a hunter encountered a potential prey or predator. The hunter’s stress axis would turn on, and the hunter could make a quick aggressive decision, to flee or to fight. Either way, the increased heart rate, blood flow, and pupil dilation all contribute to the instinct. These days, of course, our stressors are different. When our bosses criticize us, it’s not really appropriate to throw a spear through their face. And realistically, they are probably just trying to help us do our job.

Anyways, I’ve been trying to practice the first chapter of the meditation book. It’s pretty simple, and probably how every single book on meditation starts, but it’s called “Room to Breathe.” It suggests responding to stress by focusing on your breath, and shifting the emphasis off of whatever brought on the stress. It’s definitely helped me keep my emotions in check, and make sure that I can respond appropriately.

I won’t say using this strategy has been successful in eliminating stress, nor has it always prevented me from overreacting past that ten second free zone. That said, I think it’s been a step in the right direction. Now I feel like I’m at least being intentional about being patient. In the lifelong battle that is self-control, I’ll take it.

from ken

Are you thinking about something? Write about it and post it here! Email me! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

same as it ever was

I touched ground in PDX on May 27th. That means I’ve officially been living in Portland for six whole months. From my 21-year old perspective, that’s a damn long time. Since then, I’ve gone through about 40 containers of plain nonfat yogurt. I figured if I ate enough of it the flavor would grow on me. I still don’t like it; it’s tangy and, well, plain. On the other hand, I’m still going on the same bottle of hand soap, which either means I’m frugal with my resources, or I don’t always wash my hands after I pee.

Anyways, thinking back on my time in the Pacific Northwest, I realized that I'm torn by two sides. On one hand, I love adventure. For me to fully have life, it’s all about new experiences, places, people. I want to be somewhere long enough not to be touristy and learn some of the ins and outs of a new world, but also short enough to challenge my mind and soul from getting stale.

I grew up a Boston kid, but I applied to colleges everywhere except New England. I only got into one, so I shipped off to Ohio for school. I never went abroad, so I spent a full four years there, and even though I was ready to get out after year four, I loved it.

At Kenyon, I was a molecular biology major, but I’ve already forgotten just about everything I knew about the Ni-Fe catalytic subunit of hydrogenase-3. What did stick with me is my friends. I loved all those early Sunday mornings suffering on hungover 15 mile long runs when someone feels the need to drop it to 6 minute pace when we're still 5 miles out from campus, and also all those late-night-caffeine-driven working sprees spent on senior projects.

At another stage of life I spent a summer in Wyoming waiting tables. Before that summer my conception of the west was Kansas, which I later learned is the center of the country. I didn’t know anybody out there, but I jumped on the opportunity to have more story-worthy experiences. It turned out to be that and more: I climbed Middle Teton, recited Robert Frost's poetry to drunk Turks, ran a 100 mile week, experienced alone time with God for the first time. Wyoming will always be a part of my heart.

As I reached the end of college I applied to jobs everywhere but New England and the Midwest, but I knew I wanted to see the west coast, and the Northwest in particular. Again, I didn’t know anybody out here, but a lab from Oregon contacted me, and within days I had committed to a two-year stay. When I told my friends about my sudden move to Portland, I was told on multiple occasions, “Such a Ken thing.” I was proud to be associated with such a bold decision.

I loved the thrill of these adventures. I love going to sleep at night thinking, “Wow, I can’t believe my life is real. This is so much cooler than I expected.”

But at the same time, at every stop, I feel like I’ve struggled with the same thing.

When I first got to college, it was hard to swallow seeing my high school friends sprout new lives. In Wyoming, I spent hours on the rec hall payphone isolating myself and talking to my then girlfriend while my friends would stroll in and play some pool. Now in Portland, some of my biggest highlights are waiting for my old friends to visit and experience my new world with me. (Sidenote: two of said old friends, Amulya and Keyser, are visiting me in the next two months!)

This struggle is my second side, one that asks, “Why make new and different friends? I already love the ones I have!”

So maybe, the more the circumstances in your life change, the more it reveals how your core character stays the same. Going from farmland Ohio to picturesque Wyoming to urban Portland, it's made me realize that at every step of my life, my core has revolved around missing my old friends and seeking out new friends.

Kind of a sidenote, but if you’ve ever read the news, you’ve probably realized the world is fucked. Earthquakes regularly target the most vulnerable, the Middle East will always be at the end stages of war, and sex will always dominate everything else. I guess, in such a world, relationship is the one glimmer of hope of what I think life was meant to be. People were meant to have friends, to love and be loved.

But I guess adventure forces me to branch out and find new and different friends. I just need to remember different doesn’t mean worse, it just means, different.

So after six months in Portland, this is what I know: white guys really knew how to dance in the 80's, I’m excited for the new relationships I’m finding, and I count myself as incredibly lucky to have old friends that will put up with me even when I’m miles and miles away.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Small Change

Much like Ken, I graduated from a small liberal arts college about 5 months ago and now I'm living in a new city with a new job and a completely new life. Also like Ken, this year is dedicated to changing my life, or at least putting it on a path that will make me feel happy and fulfilled. This post, which I am very grateful to be writing, is about remembering that big change happens a little at a time.

Coming out of college I was thinking big, as that's pretty much what we are all taught to do. I was thinking about all the big changes I could make in my life to really shuffle things up and dig deep into my soul and figure out who I really am and what I really believe and what makes me feel flow. So I moved to Houston, Texas, pretty much out of the blue, because I knew that was a big change for a Massachusetts kid. I accepted a job here teaching middle school to underprivileged youth, because I thought that's where I would learn most about myself. I had no friends in the area, I had no long term plans, and I was blinded by this idea of 'Big Change'. Recently I signed up for the Austin Marathon, another one of my Big Change ideas. Although I ran XC with Ken in high school, he'll be the first to tell you that I wasn't a runner. I played Ultimate Frisbee in college, and the main reason I signed up for the Austin Marathon was because I was excited to provide some structure to my daily life and also because as far as I was concerned, this was the year of Big Changes.

What I failed to realize throughout all of this (or perhaps what I chose to ignore) is that it is often the smallest change that can have the most lasting impact on our character. It is also the smaller changes that are most difficult to make in our daily lives. At the risk of sounding cliche, a little change can make a big difference, and I lost site of that. When I recently sat down to reflect on my first 100 days away from home, I realized that for the most part I was the same person I had been during my senior year of college. Despite all of these Big Changes, the essential fabric of my being was 100% the same. I had been so caught up in all the Big Changes in my life that I forgot to take advantage of all the daily opportunities I have to make small changes. Those are the most difficult resolutions to keep, like remembering to call your parents at least once a week just because it makes them happy to hear from you, or being nice to a colleague or peer that is ostracized by others, or remembering to take the high road when you are feeling petty or bitter towards someone else. Those are the real opportunities for Big Change in your life that can change your character for the better.

Just two nights ago I faced a predicament with a girl that I like, and to keep a long story short, it was exactly like a situation I faced a year ago with a different girl. I handled the situation extremely poorly the first time. I was petty, selfish and blinded by emotions. This time around, unfortunately, I still handled it poorly. I was still petty, still selfish, but at least I was conscious of the fact that I was being unreasonable. For me, that is a small step, and some may wonder why I wasn't more mature. But, at least I'm moving in the right direction and perhaps next time I am faced with a similar situation I can handle it in the ideal way. For now, however, I have to be content with small change. I figure eventually, it will all add up.

Guest Writer: Amulya Iyer

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

Thank you, running

I’ve been running for longer than I can remember doing anything else in my life.

I ran cross country and track in college and high school. I was elected captain, not because I was good but because I cared. I spent one summer running 1000 miles, putting in week after week of 90 miles, just to prove to myself that if I was going to be a nothing at running, it wasn’t because I didn’t try. At one time in my life, I owned more track spikes than my girlfriend owned shoes. I once ran a hundred mile week, finishing with a Turkish soccer player who could barely speak English and had never ran more than four miles, but as we finished the seven mile run he was sprinting and yelling NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE UP.

But over the past few months, I’ve come to see running almost as a relic of the person I used to be.

After that 1000 mile summer, I had the best running season of my life. I ran over 90 seconds faster for 8k than I ever had, or would. That season I was a far greater athlete than I ever imagined I could be.

At the end of that season, I ended up being the alternate on our regionals squad. The alternate basically travels with the team and hangs out with them as everyone else broods over the race before them. It feels helpless because there’s nothing you can do to help the team, except through supporting your teammates.

It was at this point that I realized, this is the final lesson running has to teach me. I am not a star, nor even a player. My role in my life is to be the ultimate cheerleader. My life was supposed to be sacrificed for the people around me.

After that season, my running was never the same. I lost the heart for it, I still fought tooth and nail, but my soul didn’t bleed for it like it used to. Mostly I ran to support my friends and teammates, I wanted to see them succeed more than they could’ve ever imagined. And more, I wanted to support their lives and cherish their friendships.

In the cult classic running novel Once A Runner the protagonist refers to demons that haunt his running. I remember feeling these demons in my own life .

The demons would come on in those few minutes just before a race, when you’re waiting on the track, having stripped off your warmups, spikes on, the race before you coming to and end, and feeling like you have to pee for the fifth time in the last fifteen minutes. I remember telling my friend, if I ever stopped feeling like this, I would stop running.

I think, maybe, the demons in your life are where your heart is. And wherever your heart is, that’s where your life should be.

Well, the demons in my life don’t haunt my running anymore.

Tomorrow, I’m running the Portland Marathon. And I see it as my farewell to running. It’s the last running feat I want to check off before being prepared to leave it, maybe forever.

For those of you still running, I really really wish you the best of luck. It is truly amazing what it can teach you, and I hope you enjoy the ride.

And of course, to my old teammates, those of you from Kenyon and those from Needham, I hope to enjoy a leisurely run with you again some day. Or maybe just a leisurely beer. But the days of heart-breaking training, 12 k threshold workouts, 5 x 1200, conference races, those days are far gone. And man, it feels good.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

photo by boliston

The Secret to Happiness

There is something fundamental about sports like running, cycling, swimming, rowing, that make them different from sports like basketball or soccer. It’s hard to say what that is exactly, but I think it has to do with the fact that it really tests how hard you can, or want, to push yourself. As a result, those sports really teach you a lot.

The legendary University of Oregon running coach Bill Bowerman once told his athletes:

“Running, one might say, is an absurd pastime upon which to be exhausting ourselves. But if you can find meaning in the kind of running required of you to stay on this team, perhaps you’ll find meaning in another absurd pastime: life.”

I have been running for the past eight years, which makes it the single activity in my life that I have been doing for the longest time. Through those eight years I have learned countless important lessons, one of the more important ones is brought up in John L. Parker’s epic novel Once A Runner.

The protagonist, Quenton Cassidy, is a collegiate track athlete training for the Olympics. Being the stud athlete he is, everybody asks him questions about what he eats, whether he believes in stretching, what his resting heart rate was, how many hours of sleep he got, and so on. Cassidy’s answer to all this mess is simple:

“The secret is this: there is no secret.”

He goes on to explain it is about simple hard work, and running countless miles. That’s the great thing about running. Surely, good genes can help, but being good at long distance running is largely about running those painful extra miles.

I think the lesson here is an important one. When thinking about change and improving one’s life, the tendency is to look at the quick fixes and tricks that other people apply, here are some of the most common ones I’ve come across:

Tired of your environment? Move!
Sick of your job? Get new one!
Tired of your exercise routine? Try yoga!
Bored of your hobbies? Learn a musical instrument!
Confused about your life? Write about it!

I have taken up all these trick changes, hoping for a quick fix, which some of them have definitely provided. But at the same time, these quick fixes only last for so long. The hard truth is, there is no secret trick to improving your life. It just comes down to picking one or a few things you like and keep doing them, whether it’s running everyday, making an effort to be social, or working in your garden every weekend.

This past week was pretty hectic, at the end of it I felt like giving up and scrapping a lot of my life projects - quitting my volunteer work, giving up training for the Portland Marathon, and so on. I’m not sure what exactly reminded me, but something brought me back and gave me the fuel to keep pushing through all the crap.

I think, sometimes, you just have to love that feeling of being helpless and being completely overwhelmed. There are undoubtedly going to be times when you are that overwhelmed, and that’s certainly part of the deal of life, so you might as well love it. Or something like that?

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

photo by MartynvanDeelen

What are my circumstances asking me to do?

David Brooks had this insightful column in the New York Times today about a commencement speech given by an economist at Harvard Business School. The speech was about living a meaningful life by finding your life goal and allocating your time and energy around that goal. Specifically, the speech emphasized creating personal time for yourself outside of your career or your studies to pursue family time or friend time or hobby time, and help yourself figure out that vision.

Brooks went on to add to the speech, articulating a second way of life focused on the moment. It was interesting for me to see these two ideas come head to head, as they are somewhat, but not completely, opposing ideas. He argues that young people can’t understand the meaning of abstract concepts like parenthood or old age until they are engaged in them, and it’s useless to try to plan so far ahead.

He claims the big question these types of people ask is, “What are my circumstances asking me to do?” This question creates a lifestyle that is much more concrete and short-term, driven by situational awareness and rapid adaptation.

I imagine the ideal life to be some combination of these two schools of life, thriving in the environment you happen to be in now, while keeping an eye out for new environments you want to try out.

The current surroundings perspective makes my immediate decision-making more relevant, which is great because it makes every moment more real. Whenever I have some downtime, I can figure out something to do to impact my environment. I don’t need to wait around to make my surroundings a better place!

On the other hand, the future goals perspective emphasizes the importance of change. It keeps me constantly tinkering with my life to figure out what new surroundings I want to put myself into.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

photo by ZeroOne

that's so right

As I committed to changing myself, I noticed a crucial hurdle. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to change! Should I change everything? Just the little things? One big thing?

I think it helps to look at the big negatives and especially the small positives.

Inevitably, there are parts of life that continuously bring about unsatisfied or unhappy feelings. The key here is that it happens all the time. There are always going to be times when anybody hates any job, or any girlfriend, or any hobby, but you shouldn’t hate it ALL the time.

Time is probably the ultimate limiting factor in changing your life. Making serious change is a big commitment and could take a lot of your time. Getting rid of baggage that you hate is always a good start to free up some space.

That said, a lack of bad isn’t necessarily going to make your life good, so I think you need to look at the corollary and notice that quick flash of interest that comes up every now and then. Especially those that seem to keep coming up. It could just be a coincidence, but maybe it’s not. Maybe you’re hyper sensitive to it because you have an undiscovered passion for it!

Think of the last time you saw someone doing something cool, and thought, “Wow, that’s so right.” I think there are things everybody innately believes is SO right, and maybe those things are your passions!

This definitely occurred to me with the idea of music. I played piano when I was little, but other than that I was pretty much musically illiterate. Then, I started to notice a capella singers, street musicians, and friends who just looked so passionate when making and performing music. I kept thinking, “That’s so right.” Then I realized, maybe I need to take a cue from these guys and play music too!

That’s why I love the concept of sidenotes. In my mind, a sidenote is that random intriguing flash that pops up every once in a while and makes you think, hey that looks kind of cool. But then you immediately dismiss it by making up excuses like, oh but that’s not for someone like me, maybe if I had the money, maybe if I wasn’t so busy with all this other stuff I have to do, and the list goes on. So often, I make those exact excuses, but when I really think about it, I do have some money stored up, I could make time for it if I really wanted to, and anybody can pick up a new hobby if they want. If I really think “that’s so right,” maybe there's something to it..

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com


photo by controltheweb

Discouraged at slow progress?

Initially, after you commit to changing something in your life, it feels really empowering. When I first moved out to Portland a couple months ago, I was wired. Usually, I find that exciting feeling continues as you make the first steps, buying a new bike, joining a book club, quitting your day job, whatever.

But once you get past that point when you made that initial commitment, and when you get into the day to day of practicing that new hobby or working that new job, it can start to drag. Even if you’re following your heart and doing something you love, it’s a pain to get up before the sun rises to fit that run in, or pick up that guitar when you could just as easily vedge out and watch TV instead. At that stage, it’s pretty easy to get discouraged.

I kind of expect my life to be continuously going upwards and always getting better, and I’m often caught off guard when I look at my life and find myself moving backwards. But of course, that’s part of the journey! Remembering this quote has really helped me:

“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”
- Arundhati Roy

Sidenote: I think this quote is actually about social change, but my favorite thing about quotes is that they can really mean whatever you want them to! Anyways, when you're in the messy middle of changing something in your life, and having to deal with the steep learning curve of learning something brand new, it’s important to keep the faith and remember that change comes slowly, and not always linearly. When you’re getting discouraged, it’s always great to look at how far you’ve come, and also how close you’re getting to another world.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com

photo by SergioTudela

how to be a brave person

The other day, I was having a serious day of self-doubt. I was stuck in my head, feeling like I wasn’t connecting with people, wasn’t actually doing anything I loved, that the sidenotes I was following weren’t panning out, and generally feeling overwhelmed about everything. I imagine it was partly due to being tired, partly due to caffeine, and partly due to just having a bad day.

Regardless, at one point I remembered this quote, “There is no love, only acts of love.” Love, of course, is a whole different topic, but the point still applies. The quote reminded me that there is no such thing as a brave person, only brave acts. It’s hard to push through failure by putting yourself in a position for more failure, but that reminder gave me the motivation to get out my head and try to fight through.

I figured the best way to get out of your head is just to take action, so I went to a yoga class at the gym. I’ve always been intrigued with the idea of yoga, especially for its intersection between physical exercise, mental well-being, and spiritual growth, but I always felt like it didn’t really fit my schedule, wasn’t the right time, or whatever. I ended up really enjoying the class and having a conversation with the instructor about how yoga starts by opening up your hips and legs, but it leads to an opening of your mind and soul. Cheesy new age spiritualism? Maybe, but I left slightly more convinced that this was a sidenote that I wanted to pursue further.

It’s hard to build up the courage to push through loads of self-doubt, it’s much easier for me to just give myself a break, go home, do nothing, and feel sorry for myself. It’s easy for me to make excuses like, maybe I’m not cut out for an uncomfortable life of change, I should leave that to the bold people. The bottom line is, though, there is no such thing as a bold person, some people just keep moving through the fear and do cool things.

from ken

Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com