Pre-wedding running diary

In Bill Simmons-style, a running diary of Ken’s pre-wedding adventures, up through the ceremony.

9/13 Tuesday

4:15 PM: Ken leaves work until next Tuesday, forgets about HEK293 cells and mTfR2-venus chimeras for 160 hours.

5:00 PM: Ken thinks about everything he still has to do before the wedding, panics.

5:02 PM: Ken realizes it’s like four things, sits on the couch and reads a book.

7:43 PM: Ken and mom reunite. We drove in circles for about an hour trying to find Sellwood. Partly because Sellwood is hard to find, but I swear, if we could have taken the Springwater bike trail we could have easily gotten to Sellwood.

9/14 Wednesday

11 AM: My mom’s mom arrives in town, she came all the way from Japan! She is your traditional cute little old Japanese woman, the way cookie cutter grandmothers should be.

12:30 PM: After lunch, my mom, grandmother, and I are driving around downtown, and out of no where I saw one of my best friend’s from college Anna Griffin! I knew she was in town, but we hadn’t seen each other yet, and we had an awesome impromptu run in.

5 PM: Katie and her mom are moving Katie into our apartment. Ken walks into the apt. This conversation happens:

Katie: Hey, we’re reorganizing!

Ken: Oh, hey the couch didn’t used to be there. Huh, the plates didn’t used to be there. What? Yeah, of course I love the new location for the toilet paper.

Katie’s mom: Ken here’s some advice Katie’s dad would have given you. Just say, “yes dear.”

Marriage begins.

6 PM: Celebration of Ken’s first day of wedding vacation at Hop Haven.

My favorite part was that my friend Barry came. Barry and I ran Hood to Coast, and we are also on the finance team at our church, so we’ve bonded over the past year or so. Barry’s also a grandfather, but I keep telling him he’s way younger than he thinks.

About a year ago I decided that I was too mature to judge maturity based on numerical age. Mostly this was out of defensiveness for this statistic:

Age at marriage for those who divorce in America:
<20 – 12%
20-24 – 39%
25-29 – 22%
30-34 – 12%
35-39 – 7%

I’m 22. I swear I’m a mature 22.

9/15 Thursday

3 AM: Ken wakes up. Officially starting to get nervous and having anxiety.

3:30 AM – 9 AM: Ken goes in and out through sleeping and waking.

10:15 AM: Ken, Katie, and our moms all go out for breakfast. I’m glad they all get along. We eat greasy American breakfast, I don’t think my mom likes it, but she’s polite.

Rest of the day, a nervous blur. Somewhere there was coffee and beer involved.

9/16 Friday

2:30 PM: Keyser and Ken are getting lunch downtown, with plenty of time to get to the rehearsal at 3:00 PM.

3:00 PM: Ken is lost. Close to Tigard, a suburb of Portland. Keyser and I have this conversation:

Keyser: Aren’t you stressed out about this?

Ken: Hmm, I’m not sure if I need to be, I should check with Katie.

3:30 PM: Ken finally arrives at the rehearsal. The minister is also late, so it blows over. I’m telling you, it’s even hard to find Sellwood with God on your side.

5:00 PM: Everyone arrives at Ken’s mom’s rental house for a Japanese rehearsal dinner. Lots of photo’s are taken.

8:00 PM: Ken and friends arrive at 24 hour fitness, pay $20 to work out. Ken plays in his token one basketball game of the year. He took a few shots, and one went in. It was awesome.

My friends Keyser and Heath have the following conversation about five times the rest of the night:

Heath: We could’ve pick and rolled all night.

Keyser: Yeeah, we were all about the pick and roll!

I’m still not exactly sure what a pick or roll is. Oh and this one:

Keyser: Hey, who do you think is taller, you or me.

Heath: Dude we’ve compared like three times already. You’re taller.

2:30 AM: Ken and Needham friends, who’ve known each other of upwards of ten years now, have a slumber party on Ken’s floor. This might be the last night Ken ever gets to sleep on a floor. For some reason, this is a luxury.

9/17 Saturday

12:20 PM: Ken has his first nervous breakdown. Probably the first of many. Ken doesn’t like posed photographs. Sidenote – I’m pretty sure I have some sort of social anxiety disorder.

3:00 PM: Ceremony starts with only a little bit of rain.

3:01 PM: Ken sees Katie and the bridesmaids doing a group prayer, so Ken tries to top them by doing a groomsmen huddle snap bomb. It’s complicated, but you take a snap in your hand, throw it in the air, and snap when you catch it at the bottom. It’s complicated.

3:30 PM: Ken walks down the aisle with best man, Mooks, tries to hold his hand, doesn’t work.

3:35 PM: Mooks tells Elm Bank story, epic. I almost cried.

3:45PM: Ceremony ends, Ken is a little bit relieved.

I wish I was as funny as Bill Simmons.

from ken

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