Relationships During Med School pt 1: An Intro

katie

A little over a year ago, I was considering getting engaged to Katie. I asked one of my similarly pre-med friends what he thought, and he told me: 

"No way! Med school is too big of a strain on a relationship. I’ve heard of so many couples breaking up during med school, it seems like too much of a risk to go through a divorce, or have a marriage really suffer. I’d only do it if I had a super solid stable relationship going into it." 

top 5 moment from the wedding

It’s an interesting point, and one well taken. Except for the part where I still got married. Documented here in my #1 most popular post: Pre-wedding running diary.
Anyways, the point remains that relationships are stressful during med school. Sidenote - if you believe what med students tell you about med school, it’s the equivalent of Vietnam crossed with giving birth, except more intense. Realistically, it’s probably like an overconsuming full-time job. Work 50 – 60 hours a week and struggle not to think about it at home, but it’s not quite running through jungles and getting shot at, and it’s probably manageable if you think about it. 


If I want to keep going down this track of hypercompetitive academia, it only gets harder. A few years ago, I worked in a lab at Harvard, where I mostly worked with one of the junior faculty, Dr. Liang. He was a fairly recent MD/PhD graduate that was trying to start up his own lab, and he told me about the interview process he went through at Harvard. Dr. Liang had concerns about the stress that a competitive environment might place on his family. The department chair gave him this advice: 

“The second wife is always happy.” 

The whole medical/research career track isn’t exactly family friendly. 

science in action

But like any difficult task, it can be done. There are neurosurgeons with healthy family lives and HHMI lab scientists known for prioritizing their kids' soccer games. I want to know how they did it, so I’m going to write a series of posts throughout my time at MUSC analyzing relationships during med school – primarily Katie and mine. Hopefully this will become my third book. 


Sidenote - the first two: 


1- token memoir of internship, aka rip-off of Sandeep Jahuar’s Intern. 


2- running interview with me on my cross-country road trip publicizing my first book, aka rip-off of David Foster Wallace’s Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself. 


This is already getting long, so I’ll leave you with a question I’ve been wondering about. 


Is it easier for a power couple – both med students – or a couple where only one is a med student? 


My answer: it depends on the stage of life. During med school, it’s easier for a power couple since they experience all the same things, study together, suffer together, etc, but after med school, ESPECIALLY after residency when people start to transition from a “school” to a “real life” stage of life, it progressively gets easier for non power couples. 


Anyways, I welcome your opinion on this. 


See you on the other side, 


from ken 


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