ken explains the med school husband pt 1: intro

This is a new series of posts to replace what used to be "Relationships in Med School." My initial idea was that relationships are always hard, but they are especially hard at certain times. For instance, during med school. 

It's a time when everyone is broke, busy, and stressed. And there's more. It's also a time when the spouse of med student has to make many compromises. For instance, Katie had to move from her beloved home in Portland, OR to live with me in Charleston, SC. 

3k miles

So med school is a hard time to be in a relationship. That's well-established. But this new series was inspired by a recent app search I did. I searched for 'husband apps' thinking I'd get a list of apps with ways to be a supportive husband, but instead I saw a list of apps for wives to track their husbands, spy on their text messages, and other tools to catch them cheating. This is the depressing reality we live in. 

So anyways, I wanted to chronicle some posts about the ups and downs of a relationship during med school, both because it's hard and people need to know about this, but also because the internet is flooded with tons of negative shit about relationships. Celebs getting divorces, famous athletes that are sex addicts, cheap sex being glorified. This is my attempt to flood back with positive shit about relationships. So that's one of my goals for the summer. 

My first post is about moving. Katie and I got married while we were living in Portland, OR, but we knew we would have to move, and about six months after we got married, we finally got notice that we would be shipping out to Charleston, SC for the next 8 years. There was a lot of helplessness in that decision. 

Katie and I have been here for almost a year now, and overall it's been great, but for a long time after we moved I had doubts about living in Charleston. Portland and Charleston are fairly different culturally, and I wasn't sure if this was a place that Katie could thrive. Like this:

looks happy.. right?

I never considered it that seriously, but there were definitely moments when I thought about dropping out of school and trying to move back to Portland. And there were definitely times when I doubted my decision to move away from the Northwest. Was it a selfish decision to move both of us away from there, when Katie loved it so much? And it's not just that she liked Portland, her family lives in Wyoming, which isn't close to Portland, but it's a hell of a lot closer than South Carolina. So we spend a lot of time on FaceTime hanging out with her nieces and nephew. 

Which is fun, but I still feel bad for dragging her away from her loved ones. Am I a dick?

We talk a lot about our next move - mostly because I love talking about possible places to do residency. Denver, LA, Dallas, Boston, Minnesota, NC, NYC, Portland, every major academic medical center is in play. Even UT Southwestern in Dallas. (don't tell my wife) 

All that to say, it's a lot of pressure to be in the world of academia because there's a lot of moving. To some extent, I chose to leave the Northwest by applying to certain schools, but at the same time - I applied to 16 programs and only got acceptances at 2. It's not like I had a big list to choose from. I'm sure residency will be more of the same. Unless I want to match in physiatry, I'm sure it'll be touch to pick out the best opportunity. Then another move for fellowship, junior faculty-ship, tenure track faculty member, department chair, chief of pediatrics, dean of medicine, owner of the Boston Celtics. 

If there's one thing I've learned from this experience of dragging Katie all the way across the coast - I've learned to be ok with Katie being upset. There are certain things I can't change - like the bikeability of Charleston, or our location in the bible belt. I've slowly started to accept her few frustrations with Charleston, and focus on what I can control. 

see you on the other side,

from ken

enjoy sidenote in 140 characters or less @kensidenotelife.