Ken asks the audience: commentary on - what is a date?

Last week's question was: what counts as a date?

Here's some commentary from Christian Baker and Trevor Henry:

CB: I'll send you what Rose and I think. We're working on this as the two of us...which brings me to point 1. In order for it to count as a date it must be just the two of us. (exception to the rule: double dates). One party pays. As a southern gentleman I'm inclined to say the male pays for the date...but as a starving medical student with a working fiancee, she will take over that role for a little bit. That doesn't mean we wont be going on any dates until I make a paycheck though. Thanks Rose! Moving along. I think for it to be a full blown official date it must be something special. It has to make the girl feel special like you went out of your way to do something nice. You've got to be intentional about it. That's Rose and my two cents worth.

TH: What is a date? The meaning of the word “date” depends on who you ask. Some of my friends consider the night they meet someone at the bar, share some laughs, and spend the night together as a first date. Some of them consider a date to be a personal encounter of 2 mutually romantically interested people, which begins with a formal invitation including explicit romantic intent. Some say a date is simply an intimate interaction between two people, a shared experience by two people in communication. Some see a date as a catch-up between people, whether the catch-up-ers are romantic or platonic. How many times have you heard “It’s a date!” as a confirmation to planning a get-together with an old friend?

I wrote a segment of this blurb on a plane last Sunday, sitting across the aisle from a talkative, particularly loud sophomore in college and her newfound friend, a businessman with a family. By the time we landed, I knew the girl’s hometown, family structure, professional goals, humor style and even some of her personality nuances. I had a formed opinion of the type of person she was. Was I on a date with this girl, unbeknownst to her? Had she and her seatmate shared a date with each other? They were laughing and telling personal stories…


Personally, I think a date is best defined as a feeling rather than an experience. I reserve the term for times I feel a reciprocation of enjoyment. In my world, the criteria contributing to a date are twofold. When 1) I feel someone takes special pleasure and satisfaction in experiencing me as a person, and 2) vice-versa -- a date has transpired. Now, feelings are subjective entities sensitive to misinterpretation and the complexity of the human brain. As humans, our emotional circuitry is ill-defined at best. The scientist in me would prefer a more discrete and objective description of a date. My definition involves the personal feeling that the other person took unique pleasure in experiencing me as a person; however, I can more easily determine whether or not I found enjoyment in my date. I’ve certainly told friends, “We had a pretty good first date!” followed by white noise when I reach out for the second date. In my 26 years I am nearly positive I have incorrectly felt that my date took pleasure and enjoyment in me, when perhaps the reality was that my date was smiling because they were uncomfortable to be sitting near me, or maybe that sweet laughter I thought was in response to my story was really their internal reaction to the ridiculousness of their escape route. Maybe that soft twinkle in their eye and slight twitch of their smile was in reality an allergic reaction to the cucumber in their cocktail manifesting itself at an inconvenient time. Would that make me a clingy, stage-15 psycho? Maybe. But hey, it’s my world – I call the shots.

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Thanks Christian and Trevor!

I can't get the polling function to work. One day there were 9 results, the other day there were 2, now there's 6. So I have to scrap that, and I'm going to replace the poll with a 'Ken asks the audience' segment on Wednesdays where I'll just pose a question to y'all. This week's question? Something I've been wondering more and more as I reach the end of the year. How have your perceptions of med school/medicine changed since August?

see you on the other side,

from ken

want to provide the commentary? get at me.