I came across an interesting insight from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Every city has a word. For example, New York’s is achieve and Rome’s is sex. Similarly, every person has a word. This got me thinking, what’s Portland’s word, and naturally, what’s my word? I’ll put the Portland question aside for now, since I’m still basically an extended-stay tourist, and focus on my word. I’ve heard that you should be able to sum up your current state in life to a few sentences. If that’s true, it’d be way easier just to be able to explain your life in a word, right? I like this idea because you really have to be true to yourself to funnel down everything you believe into one solitary word. But anyways, I decided that my word is: sacrifice. I don’t exactly know why I am sacrificing, I tell myself it’s for society. I don’t know if it’s a good thing, I like to think it is. I don’t even really know what I am sacrificing. But the way that word came to me, I know that sacrifice is my word. I’ve always had an uncomfortable taste for suffering. Mostly, I think I developed this taste through running. I think the most memorable period of my life is the summer I spent in Wyoming. I loved the friends I made there, climbing Middle Teton, working at the restaurant, but most of all I will never forget the absolutely heart-wrenching running I did there. Running twice a day, day after day, running more miles in a week than I ever believed possible. I ran over a thousand miles that summer. It sounds strange, but I think everybody should experience that sort of suffering. Not necessarily through running, but somehow. Maybe to understand what real suffering is like. Maybe because there is immense beauty in human struggle. Maybe because I am too proud to accept limits. It is absolutely scary how accurate John L. Parker’s Once A Runner, a novel about the trials of an olympian in training, portrays this sort of beauty in suffering. You should definitely read it. I assume this sort of constant suffering can’t be healthy, and I am starting to learn to cut myself some slack, for the better, hopefully. I think one of the reasons I came out to Portland was because I thought I needed to relax a little bit, have some fun, and enjoy myself more. On a sidenote, I think Portland’s word is something like chill, or fun, or happy. I started taking up new hobbies, forcing myself to get more sleep, etc. etc. And I probably should do some more of that. But another one of the reasons I came out to Portland was to learn to be true to myself. And one of the things I sincerely believe about my life is that I want to learn how to play with that border between pushing the edge and falling over to burnout. A Vince Lombardi quote: “In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail.”
When I burnout, or die, or both, some combination of which will probably happen to me, I just want to know that I tried. And maybe suffering is my way of knowing. Suffering drives me, to be able to push further and sacrifice myself more for the world that has given me so many amazing chances. And I guess that’s how I know my word is my word. So anyways, that’s my word. What’s your’s? from ken Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.comphoto by Paulo Brandao
Two stories about appreciation: Last Sunday I went up to the lab for a bit. My lab is part of a hospital complex that is high up on a hill, so I bike to the bottom of the hill and take an aerial tram up.
Usually when I make this trip, I’m surrounded by other employees that are busy chatting with each other, checking their email, and generally being unresponsive. Since it was Sunday, the tram was instead filled with tourist types and other out of towners. They were all clamoring over the view, blown away by the birds eye view of Portland. Now, I’m sure there are at least a couple people on my daily tram commute that gaze out on an early morning Portland and really take it in. But still, the Sunday crew’s enthusiasm just reminded of how easy it is to become dull to our surroundings, and take amazing things for granted. A church I went to a couple years ago told this story about a teenage baseball star and his father. The star grew up idolizing his father’s professional baseball playing days and had worked hard to follow in his footsteps. He recently received a scholarship to play at a division I college and was a local hero. At one of his last home games, his father was interviewed by the local TV station and asked, “You must be so proud of your son, right?” To this he replied, “Yes, of course! He’s worked real hard, and has made me proud.” “Have you told your son that?” “Nah, I wouldn’t want it to go to his head.” Of course, maybe the father really had his son’s best interest in mind, but since this is a story, I’m going to interpret it how I want. I think the father avoided telling his son this because he was too proud to open himself up and let his son know how proud he was.
It’s so easy to forget about the people around you. The friends that I appreciate the most, the one's I saw most frequently, were the one's I would forget about the most.
At the same time, it’s hard these days, in fact it’s probably always been hard, for two non-romantic friends to talk about how much they appreciate each other. I can understand, the times I’ve done this it’s felt really hard to put that first foot forward, and still kind of awkward after I got that first foot in there. But also, every time I have put in that effort, it’s felt really great to just acknowledge our friendship. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.comphoto by Per Ola Wiberg ~ Powi
So I was at the local children’s hospital volunteering at an in-patient unit, where I mostly play with sick kids and their pent up siblings. One especially memorable patient was a two month old baby who was born prematurely, and she was TINY. (It seems funny to emphasize tiny but putting it in big letters) Anyways, her mom was out running some errands and the nurses needed somebody to keep an eye on her. I’m pretty sure all babies hate me, but I figured I wasn’t the first clueless guy who held a fragile infant, so I sat with her on the rocking chair. She was behaving for a while, until something apparently snapped and she turned bright red, cried non-stop, and generally acted like the world was ending. And of course, we were in a hospital, so for all I knew her world was ending. I panicked and pretty much destroyed the nurse call button. The nurse calmly explained to me that she was probably fine and that she regularly had these tantrums. She made some unhelpful suggestions like: keep rocking her, give her a binky, talk to her. So I sat there for the next hour or so rocking her as she periodically broke out in tantrums. No matter what I did she wouldn’t stop crying, though I think she occasionally stopped when she got tired or bored of it. It was probably the most helpless hour of my life.When my shift was up, I left the baby in the crib and hurried down to the volunteer office to sign-out of my shift, eager to leave behind the most powerless hour of my life. But I was also feeling something else, and for some reason I had to go back. So I went back to her room, sat and rocked with the baby some more. And she cried some more. Eventually, the nurses had to do some procedures on the baby so I got kicked out. On my way home, I got to thinking about why I went back to that baby. I didn’t go back so the nurses could have a break from taking care of the baby, they were probably tired of an overreacting baby and would have left her alone. I didn’t go back for the baby, since I’m sure that I did absolutely nothing helpful for that baby. I didn’t go back so I could tell you what a caring person I am, I know you don’t care. I went back, because I wanted to. I watched a documentary called “Don’t Quit Your Daydream” about a couple of musicians who make a last ditch attempt to achieve their dream of becoming professional musicians by setting out on a cross country road trip. Their plan is to create a new song with a local artist at every new city they reach. Basically, the point of the documentary was to encourage you to be ok with desperately chasing your daydreams, even if everybody else thinks you’re going nowhere. The idea was way better than the actual documentary, but it had one good analogy. When you’re on the stage performing and all the lights are on you, you can’t see the crowd, so you don’t know whether there are thousands of fans, just a handful, or none. Regardless of how many people are out there watching, you have to perform the same, and this should be easy if you’re doing what you’re doing for you, and not for the fanfare, the love, or the praise. I really believe that life is about other people. It’s about lightening the load for your friends, caring for helpless babies, and inspiring others everywhere you go. May Sarton had a quote:
“There is only one real deprivation, I decided this morning, and that is not to be able to give one’s gifts to those one loves most.”
Even though I am an introvert that gets overwhelmed by being with others, my best memories, both from my life and just on a day-to-day basis, are always the time spent with others. But helping people doesn’t have to be the goal. Instead maybe when you’re really following your heart and doing something you love helping others is an outcome. So maybe, life should be a lot like performing at a concert when you don’t know if anybody is watching. Even though life might be about performing for other people, whatever you do has to be for you, and make you happy. If nobody else was watching, what would you do?from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by Akash k
I recently read a timely New York Times column about how technology deprives our brains of well-deserved rest. The article explained that people are obsessing over new technology, taking multi-tasking to a whole new level by reading an e-book while watching the news and ellipticalling. It sure sounds efficient, but the article argues that without some down time, our brain doesn’t have the time to consolidate the information and learn from it, so our brain just gets overwhelmed. It seems like it makes sense. From a physiological standpoint, new synapses take time to grow and if our neurons are overstimulated, they won’t have time to grow. I think it makes even more sense from an anecdotal standpoint, whenever I multi-task and try to listen to a book-on-tape while I workout I never really remember it.So to avoid being overly busy, I’m trying to simplify my life and disconnect from technology a little bit. I'm hoping this will help me to focus on whatever environment I happen to be in, and whatever I am doing now. I decided not to buy a TV or get internet at my apartment, because I figured those would be easy distractions to cut out. I try to avoid having my phone on my person to evade the easy habit of flipping open my phone every few minutes to check for new text messages. Of course, if you have a reason to always be connected, or just want to be, that can totally work too. But for me, I wanted to make myself more able to connect with my current environment. This isn’t without flaws, of course, as I often miss phone calls and occasionally I will have to go out of my way to send a quick email, but it’s what I chose.I still go to the coffee shop to use their internet, and I still always keep my phone in my backpack, which is almost always around me. But without that easy convenience of just reaching into my pocket to have texting power at my fingertips, or being able to quickly flip open my laptop to see that I, for the fifth time this hour, have no new emails, it makes it easier for me to focus on other things I want to spend my time on, like reading, talking to the people around me, or just taking some quiet time for myself.from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by Esther Gibbons
When you look around, at you friends, your co-workers, your family, your neighbours, how do you size up? Not in the sense of, how much do you make, who lives in a nicer neighbourhood, or who can run faster, but does anyone’s life make you think, I wish I was living their life? I turn to the radical Malcolm X for his sharp insight:“Anytime you find someone more successful than you are, especially when you’re both engaged in the same business – you know they’re doing something you’re not.”I try to apply this thought to the “business” of life. If there’s any life out there that really makes you think, man their life is so much better than mine, then they’re probably doing something you’re not. When I realize that someone else’s life is better than mine, it’s easy for me to victimize myself, I tell myself they’re just better than I am: those guys have a sweet job because they’re smarter than me, that girl’s too cool for me, that guy was born to write. The good news is, there’s an easy solution. Whatever you like in their life, you can just go out and get it. Of course, it’s easier said than done, a lot of patience is needed, and you’ll need to find the right people to help you. But still, the bottom line is the same, if you want a better life you can go out and get it. I had a track coach in college who always preached never putting any other runner up on a pedestal. He was adamant that you could beat anyone you wanted if you were willing to fight, but the moment you convinced yourself that someone else was out of your league, it was game over. I think there’s something wise to that. The news anchor Keith Olbermann had a similar thought:“The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you, you’re not enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job, ask anyone out, pursue any goal. Don’t take it personally when they say no – they may not be smart enough to say yes.”When we put other people on a pedestal I think we sell ourselves short. As long as you are bring true to yourself, you are great as who you are!I think ultimately, one of the ideals of life is to be living in such a way that you wouldn’t want to be living anybody else’s life. That’s part being satisfied with yourself, but also part going out and getting what you want. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by kevindooley
I love the start of the day because it reflects hope for your day. A quote from the movie Hitch: “Start every day, as if it were on purpose.”
A great movie and a great quote. When I struggle out of bed in the morning, blindsided by my alarm, I stagger for a few moments. Then, I try my best to remember why I’m waking up instead of going back to sleep and doing nothing. My morning routine is so habitualized that I don’t really have to think through it, instead I work on reminding myself of my goals: being friendly and open with people, staying patient when things don’t go my way, be willing to take risks. I usually continue this process through my bike ride commute through an eerily peaceful downtown. The serene feel of the city and the morning in general really helps put me in the right mindset to take on the day. I also love the end of the day, but because it provides a little bit of time to reflect. At these times, I often turn to a pair of quotes by St. Francis de Sales and Mary Anne Radmacher: “Have patience with all thing, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Don’t lose courage in considering your own imperfections.”
“Courage does not always roar, sometimes, courage is the quiet voice at the end of the night whispering, I will try again tomorrow.”
It’s easy to only see the failures when you recollect on the day: I wish I hadn’t said that, I can’t believe I fell off my bike in front of all those people, I hate that I messed up again! But I think a lot of life is about courage. To accept those failures and to keep on failing. Maybe hoping that one day you’ll get the breaks, but also being ok if you don’t. At the end of the day, if you can honestly look yourself in the mirror, look at all the high points and low points of you day, and tell yourself that you wouldn’t want to be living any other life, well, that’s a pretty good end to a day! from ken Are you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by Vince Alongi
Surprise! Nothing is a big deal! I have a lot of trouble believing this, but I think I would like to. The other night, I didn’t have anything plans or obligations, so as I was heading out from work I was planning on going to the coffee shop for what my friend calls “only child time.” My last couple days had been fairly busy so I was really looking forward to having such a big chunk of time to do nothing. When I got home, much to my displeasure, some of my lights weren’t working. First, I decided to yell at my lights, and when they still didn’t work I messed with them until I figured out how to get the light bulbs out. Then, I walked all the way to the store (a couple minutes away by foot), and walked all the way back to put in my new light bulbs. Throughout this whole process I was getting all worked up because I had made this grand plan of spending hours relaxing at the coffee shop and my life wasn’t working out like I had planned. But eventually, as I got the whole ordeal sorted out, I realized, the whole thing had taken me a mere half an hour. I still had at least a solid two hours to spend at the coffee shop. I had a roommate in college that would always say, if it happens that’ll be fine and if it doesn’t that’d be fine too. It sounds simple, but I think he had it right. Robert Frost had a similar insight that I really look up to:“I can summarize everything I’ve learned about life in three words. It goes on.”Obviously, I knew my life wasn’t going to end over a couple of defunct light bulbs, but it sure felt like it. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and believe that whatever is currently ruining your life is the biggest deal in the world. But it seems like life always has a way of ending up alright if we can just have the courage to wait it out. from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by pasotraspaso
“None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I think that whisper Emerson is referring to is inspiration, and what inspiration can do is refocus us. Inspiration can come from anywhere, as long as we are willing to pay attention to it. Recently, I’ve been trying to make more of a conscious effort to slow down, which has really helped me to refocus on what I’m trying to do with my life. My commute is a great example of how I make my life too busy and block out that gentle whisper of inspiration. In the past I spent my commute trying to make every minute “productive,” listening to various podcasts or skimming through books I would never remember, but lately I’ve been trying to just sit tight and take in my surroundings. So, the other day on my commute I was zoning out and blankly looking out on the city and all the huge apartment complexes. Those big apartment complexes have always fascinated me for some reason. I think it’s because it reminds me of how big the world is, seeing all those dimly lit windows with people I’ll never meet. The strangest part is that every person in every one of those windows has an incredible story and is fighting a great battle. It really reminded me of the importance of every single person.Yesterday I saw an old friend from high school that I hadn’t seen in probably five years or so. We’re both pretty easy going, so we re-connected quickly and smoothly, as we reminisced on old times and shared our lives for the past few years. It felt great to remember the past and how lucky I was to grow up with such great friends. It also made me excited for all there is to still discover in the world, and to realize I still had so many more great friends to make. All those unknown rooms in those huge apartments, filled with perspectives I would have never even imagined and conversations yet to happen. All that from a morning commute!from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by williamcho
Have you ever felt like everything in your life was going right? Felt like years of hard work have finally paid off?Does everything you touch turn to gold?Some people may say that such a picturesque time is a fallacy and that you shouldn’t live for the successes and those perfect days. I heard some wise words that said, “Success is nothing, it is an accident.” I am definitely a recent convert to this sort of wisdom that puts the focus on the journey rather than the end destination. That was one of the important realizations that made me want to change my life and actually do more things I loved doing, not just loved the idea of doing. So you shouldn’t just live for the peak of the mountain, so to say, but it seems like every once in a long while, all the stars can align. And when they do, there’s really no reason not to sit back, appreciate all you’ve done, and enjoy the ride. Of course, it sounds obvious to enjoy the good times, but I know I have a tendency to push any victories off to the side, and immediately try to refocus myself on the journey. But sometimes it's good to celebrate.The best way I can describe this feeling is that I can see so many of the goals I set for myself coming together and crystallizing in front of my eyes. Really quick, two of these goals were: Get involved in a community: I feel like I’m really starting to love my church family and I’m starting to meet more and more people.Figure out what I want to do with my life: I love my time volunteering at the pediatrics clinic. In fact, it pains me to leave.Anyways, my friend and I referred to these times as “hot streaks,” and it reminds me of the importance of having purpose in life. Whenever you can see that your daily actions align with some sort of greater purpose you’ve set for your life, it really feels like your life is rolling, and just like that you’re on a hot streak.from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.com
photo by Beverly and Pack
So I’ve been noticing a recurrent theme in my life, and it was brought up again in a recent New York Times column called Slumdog Tourism. The column discusses tourists who travel to slums in developing counties to see poverty first-hand. Presumably, these tourists are caring people who just want to understand the poverty behind the charities they generously donated to or have seen on TV, but the article argues that these tourists are harmful to the cause. The people who live in the tourist destinations are degraded and all they get in return is a little bit of pity money.This reminds me of a famous quote by Martin Luther King Jr.:“I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s greatest stumbling block is not the White Citizens Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to order than to justice. Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating that absolute understanding from people of ill will.”
These tourists are exactly the prototype for people King was frustrated with. They are probably just looking for an easy way to satisfy their conscience or to give off the impression that they care about global issues. They just want to read the latest New York Times bestseller about poverty reduction, donate some cash to a new trendy non-profit, throw around some statistics about AIDS, and generally seem like they care. I know this because I am one of those tourists. It’s way easier for me to give people who are homeless some money or food than to engage in their lives and daily struggles.I read a wise line from Shane Claiborne’s inspiring book, The Irresistible Revolution the other day that said,“Reducing poverty is big business, eliminating it is revolutionary.”
These days talk about poverty and donating to charities is at an all-time high. Helping people and creating a better world seems to be on everyone’s mind. Which is great, but it’s almost becoming a “pop sensation,” highlighted by the recent Haiti earthquake where people all over the world donated their hard-earned money to the relief cause. It’s great that people made that first step to write a check for Haiti, but who still thinks about that little country? Where are the people who are willing to get their hands dirty, and engage with poverty for the long-term and really work to eliminate it? I want to learn to have such compassion, and I know that such compassion can’t be born overnight, but rather developed over time. I guess the key is to be patient, and take small steps to try to engage yourself in a community and learn about their needs, hopes, and desires. To try to understand, and really care for people.from kenAre you trying to change your life? I'd love to hear about it! ken.e.noguchi@gmail.comphoto by Aaron Escobar
